Page 41 of Busted Dreams

He was adorable and sweet and completely ridiculous.

“But thisisspecial. And who decides what makes it special anyway? The fucked-up society we live in where people are mistreated every day for their gender, age, or skin color? Where stereotypes tell us how we think others should act? Or the church that only taught me how I didn’t want to be?

“I could care less about their opinions. Or what they think or believe. I only care about our opinions. Yours and mine. AndIsay this is special. Being with you makes it special, and I want that. I want that closeness with you that I’ve never felt before. I want to stare into your eyes as you come apart in my arms in a way I’ll never witness any other way.”

“Damn, Astrid.” He sounded strangled, and it brought a triumphant smile to my face. “I want to. I’d fucking die to be with you tonight. But what about the others, Thatcher? Beck?” He opened his mouth again, then closed it before any sound came out.

Was he about to say Jonah?

Shaking off the thought, I focused on what he did ask, and I felt my emotions cool just a little bit.

“I do worry about them. Their opinion matters to me too, just like yours. I haven’t wanted to give any of you up, knowing it’s not fair to any of you. It makes me selfish and mean, and I try not to think about it as much as I can. Because honestly, you guys are the best thing to ever happen to me. These friendships are the best things to ever happen to me. And I’m the selfish one that won’t pick one and move on, or won’t refuse you all to stay friends.”

I looked down to where my fingers were brushing softly against his neck.

“But I can’t find it in myself to think this is wrong. I want you just like I want them. I crave this type of intimacy with each of you. And at some point, I might have it. Is that something you can’t live with?”

I’d always known expressive eyes didn’t actually mean the eyes. It was in the shape of the eyebrows, the way the skin around the eyes tightened, or the way the lids feel over them. Watching Rhys react to my words had me sucking in my breath.

It wasn’t disgust, or regret, or pity, none of the emotions I would have expected looking back at me. Instead, there was acceptance, determination, and affection?

“Astrid, you aren’t selfish. If anything, we’re the selfish ones. Since the very beginning, we’ve all known we all were going to pursue you, and none of us were willing to bow out. At least not anymore. We understand perfectly what that means. And when it comes to the day you choose one of us, if it’s not me, I’m going to do my damnedest not to lose you in the only way I can have you. I don’t care who it pisses off.”

I heard the words, and they floated around me as I cataloged each of them, making sense of what he said. They’d had conversations about me? About who could and couldn’t pursue me? Damn, I really didn’t want to think about that right now.

“You guys talked about me behind my back?” I apparently couldn’t let it go.

Shaking his head, he gripped my thighs, tugging me a little closer, rubbing me a little tighter over his desire that hadn’t gone down at all.

“You don’t get it. It wasn’t ever to talk about you. It was to state our intentions. Make sure we were all in this for the right reasons. Only to protect you.” A small grin lit up his features. “And maybe to see who our competition was going to be.”

Surprisingly, I laughed.

The little spark of rising anger died down, and the desire that had started to fade tingled up the back of my spine. Never in my life had there been any type of competition to date me. There hadn’t been any kind of interest at all. I was too religious—or so they thought—too weird, too quiet. I didn’t want them to fight over me or get angry, but at the same time, the way they made me feel was intoxicating.

“That brings us back to the others. Are you going to regret this in the morning?”

“That you asked lets me know I won’t.”

“One more question, then I’m done.” He pushed his thumbs through the beltloops of my jumpsuit. My stomach clenched from the contact. “Did I just take you completely out of the mood?”

Another laugh, then another moan as he massaged my hips and ground me down against him.

“I don’t think you could do that, even if you started spouting Bible verses at me. But you can try it and see, if you want.”

Chuckling, he moved his hands around to cup my ass as he stood up. “Sorry, I couldn’t come up with one even if I tried.”

Then he was kissing my neck and kneading my ass perilously close to my core. It was a short walk to his bedroom, and still, I was throbbing from the emptiness.

I’d been in his room before, but this time, it felt different. I knew this time, when I left, I’d be different, changed on a fundamental way that would never leave me.

The bed was made, the covers soft against my back. And this time, he followed me down as my back hit the bed. He slid his hands back to my waist and moved me up to the pillows, immediately falling against me.

Sitting up on his heels, he picked one leg up, gliding his hands down to my feet where he pulled my wedge shoe off. Kissing the sole of my foot before wrapping it around his waist, he repeated the action with the other leg. His hands and mouth seemed to be everywhere as he massaged, touched, and worshipped my entire body.

So, so tantalizingly slow, I lost article after article of clothing, until I was left bare before him. Modesty tried to rear its ugly head, but I was too boneless to do anything about it.

Drunk on his attention, I could only watch as he stripped his shirt over his head and scooted down to the foot of the bed. Through the haze, I wondered what he was doing, until he put his faceright there.

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