Page 85 of If You Need Me

“It ebbs and flows.”

“That’s a long time to be in such a heightened state.” And frankly, pretty damn flattering. “Isn’t that uncomfortable?”

Dallas shrugs. “It’s pretty much my constant state when I’m around you. It’s a small price to pay to have the pleasure of your company.” He turns his head, giving me his profile, and brings my hand to his lips.

If that weren’t true, why would he say it? What would he have to gain?I change the subject because it’s the safe thing to do. “It’s nice to see some of the people I hung out with in high school. Although my friend group was smaller than yours.”

“Eh, I had a lot of acquaintances and not a lot of close friends who mattered in the long run.” He sounds more resigned than I would have imagined.

“How do you feel about that? I thought you had all these close friendships. Best friends forever and all that.”

“What I thought was important when I was eighteen isn’t what’s important to me now.” His voice trails off as the song changes. “Have you seen our favorite couple tonight?”

I shake my head. “It’s only a matter of time, I’m sure.” We won’t get through the night without at least one unfortunate interaction. Part of me wants to get it over with. But the part who still feels like that betrayed, heartbroken girl, is afraid of how much any real conversation with Brooklyn will make me hurt all over again.

“You won’t have to deal with them on your own. I’ll be right beside you.” His expression is earnest.

“I believe you.” Or at least, I’m trying.

I get lost in my thoughts as we move around the dance floor. Once again, my conversation with Shilpa comes back, and I wonder just how clueless I’ve been—stuck with my perception framed in hurt.

But I still don’t understand. What was the purpose of hurting me like that? Tonight I’ll ask him, once and for all.

The song ends, and a fast-paced one replaces it, so I step back and sever our contact.

A couple of Dallas’s old hockey buddies call us over. I need a minute to collect myself, though. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll come with you,” Dallas offers.

“You can’t follow me into the women’s bathroom.”

“I’ll wait outside,” he suggests.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine for a couple of minutes.” I pat him on the chest and press a kiss to the edge of his jaw. “Go talk to your hockey buddies. I’ll be right back.”

I make it to the bathroom without bumping into anyone unpleasant, but my luck runs out as I’m washing my hands.

“Wilhelmina! If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were avoiding me.” Brooklyn steps up beside me, her gaze trained on her clutch as she rummages around and retrieves her lipstick.

“Not avoiding you, Brooklyn.”

“Aren’t you, though? You didn’t really even talk to me at my engagement party. It’s like you’re not even happy for me. It was a decade ago. And obviously you’re over Sean. I mean, you scored yourself the hottest guy in our class, and he makes like millions a year. Sort of interesting that you two ended up engaged right after us though. Sean has always been proud to be with me, but Dallas only just confirmed your relationship.” Her smile is fake and syrupy.

I’m done playing nice. It doesn’t matter if it’s safer. “Are you seriously trying to make this into a competition over boys? High school is over, Brooklyn.”

She crosses her arms. “And yet you conveniently ended up with the most popular guy in our class who is seriously loaded now.”

Is that all Dallas was to people? The one who came out on top? I rub the space between my eyes, frustrated by the stupidity of all of this. Now, I just want answers to the questions that have felt like slivers under my skin. “Why did you even hang out with me? Was it so you could feel more important? Did youwant to make yourself feel better about where you sat on the social ladder? You were supposed to be my best friend. You knew back then I’d liked Sean for a long time, but that didn’t matter to you. And I get that things happen, and obviously you and Sean belong together, but you should have told me you were going to prom with him instead of letting me find out through other people. That’s what hurt. It wasn’t a boy that was the issue between us. It was you.”

Lied to by omission is still lied to. I was devastated. I felt betrayed and so very cast aside. Disposable. My moms have done everything to make sure I feel loved, but a tiny part of my heart will always wonder why I was given up in the first place.

“What was I supposed to say? It’s not my fault he wanted to go with me more than he wanted to go with you,” Brooklyn says defensively.

“You’re right. I would never have stopped you from going with him. But you should have told me. All I wanted was for you to be happy, because that’s what friends want for each other.”How did she not see that? How didInot see that back then?

She clenches her fists and rolls her shoulders back. “Well, I guess I’m so?—”

I hold up a hand. “I don’t need your apology, Brooklyn, especially not when you don’t mean it. We were friends long enough for me to know when you’re lying. You were a shitty friend. You were cruel and mean. I don’t know why putting people down makes you feel good about yourself. Whatever the reason you chose to handle that situation the way you did, I deserved better.” Before she can speak, I continue, “Look, I’m sincerely glad you and Sean are happy. I truly want nothing but the best for you and, honestly, do hope you’re well.” And I do because a piece of me will always love her even though I shouldn’t.