Page 112 of If You Need Me

“I know.” I squeeze his arm. “And so does she.”

The guys show up, and suddenly it’s a full-on party. Hugs and congratulations flow, and Flip orders a round of drinks, then hands over his credit card and orders food and prosecco since they don’t have champagne.

“Tell us how he proposed!” Hammer says to Rix as the guys make Tristan do shots.

She slides into the booth beside Essie and begins with a little squeal. “It was so freaking romantic. He took me out for this beautiful picnic lunch on Toronto Island. He brought all my favorite foods, and it was just so perfect. Then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, and I said yes, and we went back to the penthouse. There were rose petals all over the bed and champagne, and you can all guess what happened next, and now I’m here.” Her hands flutter in the air. “I’m just so excited.” She turns her wide, elated grin on me. “This must have been how you felt when Dallas proposed to you!”

I fight to keep the smile from sliding off my face. Because it’s not at all how I felt when Dallas proposed. I was shocked and angry. There hadn’t been any room for joy. “Yeah. Exactly. You must be so thrilled. It’s the beginning of your forever.”

Rix grabs my arm. “We can go dress shopping together!”

“We absolutely can,” I agree, even as my stomach flips.

“You’re all going to be in my wedding party. We can do all the shopping and planning.” Her smile is wide. “I’m so excited that we get to do this together!”

“It’ll be so fun.” And it should be. I should be ecstatic, and I am for Rix, but I’m missing that feeling for myself. Not because I don’t genuinely care about Dallas. I do. But I didn’t even like him when he asked me to marry him.

I glance across the room, feeling Dallas’s eyes on me. He smiles, but I see the tension in his shoulders, and I worry it matches mine. He probably felt the same way Rix and Tristan do when he asked me to marry him. And it hurts my heart to know I didn’t share that excitement with him. He was elated, and I wasangry. How does that memory sit with him? Because right now, it makes my heart break.

Everything about us is backwards. Our engagement is a lie we’ve twisted into the truth.

Tristan raises a pint glass and shouts, “I have something I want to say!”

Everyone quiets.

He turns to Rix, his love written on his face. “Bea, you are the most incredible woman. I adore everything about you. I know I’m not easy, and I’m forever a work in progress, but I promise I’ll work my ass off to keep deserving you for the rest of my life. I want to give you the world. I want to be the person who makes you smile, and laugh, and who gets the honor of loving you more than anyone else. Even though it was a shitty situation that brought you into my world and my apartment, I’m so grateful that you rage-quit your job. I love you more every single day, and I can’t wait to make you my wife, so I can be at your side forever.”

Rix launches herself into his arms, and everyone cheers and claps for them. Hollis gives Hammer a look that tells me she’s next.

My heart aches with the knowledge that from the very beginning, all the bullshit I thought Dallas was spewing was the truth. He was honest the entire time. About everything. And I was just determined to hate him for what he’d allowed me to believe he’d done all those years ago. What a mess.

We should have had an engagement party like this, one where we were both genuinely happy about the possibility of forever. But I can’t even bring myself to tell him how I feel about him.

Flip taps his pint glass with a spoon, and the chatter stops. “I’m so damn happy for you.” He clears his throat and looks to the ceiling as he takes a deep breath. “You are two of my favorite people in the entire world.” He coughs into his arm, like he’scomposing himself. “Love can be such a messy thing, but I see the way you love each other, the way you always stand up for and to each other. The way you have each other’s backs. I know it’s not easy. I know we had a hard beginning, Rix, and that you made a lot of sacrifices, but this guy…” He points at Tristan. “He’ll love you until the world ends. You deserve the best of everything, and I know he will cherish you. And Tristan, man, you know.” He taps his heart with his fist. “I support you. Both of you. It’s an honor to celebrate you.” He holds his glass up. “To love, and to my sister and my best friend finding it in each other.”

We all toast and dab our eyes.

Essie stands next looking at her bestie. “Rix, I am so happy for you. I love that you found a partner who will go grocery shopping with you.”

Rix laughs and says, “But no one will ever replace you as my price matching partner.”

“Forever and always,” Essie agrees. “Tristan, thank you for loving and supporting her. You’ve shown me that love is real. People can change. And if you hurt her, I will do unspeakable things to you with the help of Hemi’s older brother.”

Tristan laughs and wraps his arms around Rix. “Honestly, I expect nothing less. Samir is a scary motherfucker. I’m glad my girl has someone like you in her corner, Essie.”

“Here, here!” Roman raises his glass. “To love!”

We all cheers again.

It’s an amazing celebration. But it’s a reminder of how different it is with me and Dallas. I know how he feels about me, what he wants, but I’m struggling to get where he is, and the engagement ring I’m wearing is a reminder of how it all started—with a lie we keep telling our friends.

So when he asks me if I’m coming back to his place, I tell him I can’t.

It’s not a lie.

I’m too raw. Too afraid of my own feelings.

And even more afraid of his.

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