Page 127 of If You Need Me

On the walk back to Dallas’s, my palms start to sweat. “How’s Flip?”

“He’s not drowning himself in women, so that’s progress. But he’s riled about Grace being traded,” Dallas says.

“I wish I knew what the deal was there.”

“They were pretty competitive at the Hockey Academy, but about halfway through the program, it stopped being a friendly rivalry.” He holds the door open and follows me into his building.

“I hope they can figure out a way to get along or it’ll be a rough season for everyone.” My anxiety spikes as we step into the elevator. This is filler, small talk until we get to his place. There we’ll hash all of this out.

I already know how Dallas feels about me. It’s how I feel about him that I need to own.

He leans against the mirrored wall. “How are you doing?”

“Spinning, to be honest. How about you?”

His smile is soft. “Same, honey.”

The doors slide open, and he motions for me to go ahead of him. We’re quiet on the way to his penthouse.

“You showed up for me when we weren’t even together,” I say as soon as we’re inside.

“No matter where we’ve been or where we go from here, I will always show up for you, however you let me.”

“You could have just extricated me and left me with Shilps or Hammer. You could have taken me home and brought me ice cream and walked away, but you stayed and took care of me.”

“I would do it a million times over,” he says.

“I believe you,” I whisper.

“I let you believe the worst about me for a long time,” he says.

“You did. I thought I knew who you were, what you were about. But then your mom said something when we stayed with them during the reunion that had me questioning how clear my picture really was. How often did you come to my rescue, Dallas?”

“Not often enough. Not the way I should have,” he says, looking at the floor. “But I tried. You were always so brave, and I wanted to be like that, but I couldn’t do it out loud. Not back then. But when people tried to fuck with you, I stepped in to fix it.”

“By painting my locker when someone defaced it?” I remember the day I came to school to find my locker still tacky with semi-dried paint.

He nods.

“What else did you do to protect me?”

“Whatever I could. I made new posters for your student council president campaign after the guys pulled them down and came to school early so I could get them up before you noticed.” Dallas rubs the back of his neck. “You were so good at making it seem like it didn’t affect you, but I paid attention, Wills. I saw what it did to you when you thought no one else was looking, and I hated myself for the role I played as a bystander.”

I see the truth in his words, in the ache in his voice. With each revelation, our entire history rewrites itself. I’m not the nerdy girl who was tormented by the prom king. I’m the brave girl who stood up for what I believed in. Braver than he was.

“I couldn’t undo the bullshit you went through, but I tried tofix things when I could. And then I realized I’d been focused on all the wrong things. I’d run out of time, and when I tried to buy myself a little more, I hurt you in a way that felt irreversible. I should have told you then—even if you didn’t believe me, I never should have let you believe the lie. I’ll never do it again, Wills. I love you too much to ever be anything but one-hundred-percent honest with you.” Dallas tucks his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you.”

My fractured soul knits itself back together, and I give Dallas my own truth. “I was so sure that one day you’d change your mind about me, that who I am would eventually be too much. And I know part of that feeling stems from where I started in life.”

I have such a supportive, loving family, but for too long I’ve let that feeling of being too much govern my actions. I won’t let it be the thing that keeps me from experiencing this kind of connection with another person.

“I have all these fabulous people who see me for me and love me because of it, yet I’ve been so focused on the ones who don’t. I couldn’t imagine someone wanting me exactly as I am. You’ve shown me that, Dallas. Even before I felt worthy of it. But I feel it now. I know it’s taken me time to catch up, but I’m in love with you. Not just because of the way you love me, but because you’re you.”

The lens of the past has altered, and the real version of Dallas melts my heart. “You’re amazing. You’re the guy who signs up for everything, even the stuff that makes you uncomfortable, because the mission matters to you. You’re always there to support your teammates. Look at tonight. I’m sure the last thing you wanted was to help manage Flip and whatever is going on with him, but you didn’t leave it all to Tristan. You always show up. Every single time. For your teammates, for your family, for me.”

I reach for his hand, needing the connection to ground me. “I was so scared of my feelings for you, and afraid that if I voicedthem, they would somehow erase yours for me. I know that’s my trauma talking, not logic. You’re not just thekindof man I want to give my heart to, you’retheman. I know you will always keep it safe. I adore you, Dallas, exactly as you are. So if you want to give this another shot, I’m in.” My heart hammers in my chest, stomach twisting up. But the only way to show him he’s not in this alone is to put my heart on the line, too, like he has this entire time. Without me even knowing.

His smile is soft as he presses his lips against my bare ring finger. “I’m always going to be your number-one fan, Wills. Any time you fall, I’ll be here to pick you up. I’ll do my very best to be what you need, and to love you the way you want and need to be loved. And I will one-hundred-percent fuck it up somewhere along the way, but I will never leave you. Not ever again.” He squeezes my hand. “I’ve been in love with you since the third grade, Wills. You’ve always been the bravest person I know, and I will love you with my whole heart for as long as you’ll let me.”

---