Page 107 of If You Need Me

“Are you the first one to move in?” Tristan sets the pizza and paper plates on the table.

“One of the other girls was here earlier, but I think the rest of my roommates are coming this afternoon. Two of them are from Sudbury, and another one is from Ottawa, so it’s a drive,” Tally explains.

We gather around the table, and Tally hands out plates.

“Are you excited to meet everyone? The first week is the best,” Dallas says. “Nonstop fun.”

“And then classes happen,” Flip says.

“And practices,” Tristan adds.

“And studying,” Nate mutters.

“I’m a little nervous but also trying to take it all in.” Tally takes a bite of her pizza.

“You’re going to have the best time,” I assure her.

Tristan gives Rix a hug from behind and kisses her shoulder. She turns her head and kisses the edge of his jaw. He visibly relaxes with the affection. I don’t know the full extent of his damage, but I can empathize. His mom left when he was nearly a teenager and Nate was even younger. That would leave scars.

I can’t imagine what they’ve been through, as sometimes I struggle myself, and I have a wonderful family. Two parents who adore me, two brothers who always have my back, and some days I still question why I ended up being adopted. I was three months old when I was handed over to child services and placed with my moms only days later. Was I too much for some people even as an infant? Was I the consolation prize for my moms who wanted a third child but couldn’t conceive on their own again? With that, my mind is a swirling mess of insecurity.

Dallas’s eyes move over my face as he hands me a plate with pizza. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I smile up at him. “Thank you for wanting me.”

“Every day. Wills, you’re perfect.” He drops his voice to a whisper. “And the other night, when you let me?—”

I press my finger to his lips. “Stop now or I’ll never let you do it again.”

Dallas clamps his mouth shut and looks around, like he’s suddenly remembered we aren’t alone.

While we eat pizza, Tally and Rix talk about classes. Essie sits next to Rix and I’m not sure if I imagine it or not, but I swear she and Nate keep stealing glances at each other. Tristan sits on the other side of Rix with his arm slung over the back of her chair.

The cake is from Just Desserts and readsCongratulations, Tally!It’s cherry chip, which is her favorite.

Two more students arrive, with parents in tow. One boy-man wears a Terror hat. Their smiles turn to shock when they realize there are hockey players sitting in their living room.

“Is this real or am I tripping balls?” The Terror hat wearer rubs his eyes.

A round of introductions follows, and I can practically feel Tally’s anxiety. She’s already the most popular girl in her residence, and not because she’s nice, or fun, or sweet. My heart breaks for her a little—especially when Flip starts in on a dad-style inquisition. Tristan and Dallas have to step in and redirect the conversation.

We wrap it up quickly and promise to message her later, leaving her to settle in.

“I’m glad I’ll be on campus this year so we can keep an eye on her,” Rix says on our way out. “I think this transition will be an eye-opener.”

“I can’t believe Vander Zee let her live with guys. And one guy is on the freaking hockey team.” Flip looks tempted to call her dad and confirm.

“She knows better than to date hockey players, or to hook up with her roommates,” Dred says with a roll of her eyes.

“Just because she knows better doesn’t mean she won’t make bad choices,” he gripes.

Hammer looks at him. “She’s been insulated by the team her entire life. She needs the chance to spread her wings.”

Flip does not look convinced.

Dallas and I drop off Flip and Dred on the way home, and because Dallas has no chill, and my hormones are always raging when he’s around, I end up back at his place, underneath him. Tonight, I take the reins, but instead of climbing on top and riding him like a joystick, I pull him on top of me and revel in the feel of being surrounded, of the way his eyes never leave my face as he moves inside me, pushing me to the edge of bliss. Or how he laces our hands together and brings my ring to his lips—the ring I haven’t taken off since that night. He whispers dirty words and sweet praise, and when he tells me he loves me, I let his words sink into my heart.

I want to say them back, because the warmth in my chest isfamiliar. But I’m terrified to let it take root and become real. What if I fall for him and he walks away? My thoughts run to the darkest place, the one where I’m just a game to him. That once he has me completely, he’ll be over it—and me.

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