Page 62 of Shoot Your Shot

“Loped? What does that mean?” She scrunches her nose up before pushing her pizza toward me. “Done!”

“Wow,” I say, admiring her pizza before taking it from her and sliding it into the oven, next to the others. “It means that we got married alone—with just us there. Well, us and the guy who married us.”

“Why would you want to do that?” She sounds sincerely offended now. “And what about the dance party after?”

Setting the timer on the oven, I lean against the counter, facing her. “Nope. Not even a dance party. But that would have been fun, wouldn’t it?”

I think back to the day we got married. I know it broke my mom’s heart that we never had a ceremony or a reception. After all, I’m an only child, so of course, my mom expected us to have a huge-ass wedding. We promised her we would let her plan one someday, but it never happened.

“Are you and Kolty going to have a baby, like Walker and Poppy?” Her eyes widen. “They are having a boy though. So, I wish you would have a girl, and then I could do her hair because I’m an expert at hair-doing.”

You have to love kids. They can rip your heart to shreds and stomp on it and have no idea they’re doing it, meaning absolutely no harm, all while looking cute.

I can’t give her an answer. Because even if I do stay, there’s no guarantee that we will ever have kids. Whether we do or not, that isn’t why I haven’t given Kolt an answer yet.

“Maybe one day,” I say, trying my best to smile because she’s three and she doesn’t understand the reality of everything going on with Kolt and me.

“Good,” she says, sounding content. “Uncle Kolty would make a good daddy. He would buy his baby so many stuffed animals!”

It’s crazy how words can warm your chest while hurting your heart at the exact same time. But that’s what happens the moment they leave her adorable lips. She’s right though. That man would make the very best dad.

“He sure would.” The words luckily come out smoother than I assumed they would.

Suddenly, Kolt appears in the archway, heading into the kitchen toward me. The look on his face tells me he heard at least some of the conversation, and that makes it hurt worse because I know it’s already been such a huge burden on him.

“There’re my two favorite girls,” he drawls, trying to sound lighthearted before he starts toward us.

He leans in, and his stubble brushes against my cheek. He doesn’t say anything about the discussion because he doesn’t need to. We both understand the weight of it all, and yet neither of us wants to lead on to Amelia that we’re hurting.

Maybe it’s messed up, but knowing Kolt understands the pain … it somehow brings me comfort. Not because I want to see him hurt, but because I feel less alone.

“Having fun?” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to my temple.

“Mmhmm,” I whisper, leaning my cheek into him and breathing him in. “The pizzas will be done soon. I think Amelia’s pizza is probably the best-looking of all three.”

“So, you’re not just an artist, but a chef too?” Kolt boasts before stepping away from me and opening the oven to peek inside. “Wow. Paige wasn’t kidding, Amy. That’s like … artona pizza. Angelo’s Pizza downtown had better watch out; you’re fixing to show them up.”

I love watching him interact with her; it comes so easily to him. When I left, she wasn’t even two years old. He’d buy her stuff and spoil her back then, but she didn’t have as much of a personality, and they weren’t as close as they are now. I love seeing how tight they are, but I’m also mad at myself for missing so much of it.

I guess the silver lining in Kolt’s injury is that it forced me back here. It forced us to finally be honest with each other and get everything out in the open.

One thing is for sure: coming back here has given me a lot of clarity on how much I’ve missed everyone.

“Hey, when we went to the store, I got you a coloring book,” Kolt tells her, grabbing the bag he came out of Walgreens with earlier. “Want to color while we wait for our pizzas to cook?”

Amelia’s face lights up, and she nods quickly. “I’d love that, Uncle Kolty.”

As he sits in the seat beside her, he takes out all the coloring supplies, and they start to color, my heart doesn’t hurt right now …

In fact, my heart feels more whole than it has in a very long time.

Keeping my phone low so that Coach doesn’t see me using it, I read the message from my mother.

Mom: Paige told me today is your first day of attending practice. Good luck! I love you.

My mom is lucky to have Paige as a daughter-in-law because my communication skills suck. I haven’t been keeping her filled in on the status of my recovery, but given that my mom still isn’t here, it proves to me that she’s giving me and Paige time alone to figure our shit out. I have to say, it was kind of a genius idea, and I’m wondering if she even had the flu.

Me: Thank you. I’m not playing though. Just watching.

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