Page 15 of Shoot Your Shot

The nurse swallows sharply before giving a curt nod. “Dr. Fusco will be in shortly to talk to you, and I’ll get all of those tests ordered.”

Once she’s gone, I swing my gaze back to Paige, who suddenly looks paler.

“She’s right,” she whispers. “You’re healing. The last thing you need is the stress from … our bullshit.” She inhales sharply and lets it out. Her eyes glaze over, looking like she’s deep in thought. “There must be someone who can stay with you until your mom can get here. Someone who … pisses you off less than I do.”

“That’s pretty much anyone else, sweetheart,” I say lowly. “But I have to know, what would Dexter think of you being here right now?”

That’s right. I saw you hanging out with that fuckstick.

I have no social media of my own—I mean, I do, but I don’t run it or even have access to it, not like I’ve ever wanted to. I knew if I ever did, I’d look her up. And if she was living a happy, full life with the fucking cat she always wanted and a house with a fenced-in yard with fucking Dexter … I didn’t want to see it.

She opens her plump lips to say something back, likely something sassy, but a doctor with white hair walks into the room with two women in scrubs closely behind him.

“Kolt Kolburne, glad to see you’re awake.” He smiles. “Pretty thankful for that, as I didn’t want all of New England coming to the hospital with their pitchforks, ready to fight me.”

I give him a slight nod, but my entire body fucking hurts, and I don’t know why. I’m used to taking hits. Built for it even. This one shouldn’t have been any different.

Well, aside from the heart attack, I suppose.

“Yeah, speaking of the Sharks, this season is really important to us. So, can I get on out of here? I feel good. Real good,” I lie through my teeth. I don’t feel good. I feel like fucking dog shit.

He lets out a small laugh. “Now, I appreciate a man who looks out for his team and all, but even if all your tests come back perfect—and that’s a big if—you still have a recovery process. The muscle around the heart gets damaged when you suffer a heart attack. That’s what you had, Kolt—a heart attack. Andunless you want another one, you need to let yourself get better and take it slow.”

My heart begins to race, along with beeping from a monitor, causing the doctor to look at it.

“Calm down, okay?” he says evenly, looking at me over his glasses. “It’s all going to be okay. You need to trust me on that.”

“My team needs me. I can’t just … take time off.” I grind my back teeth together, pushing my head against the pillow. “You don’t get it. Our team is stacked this year. This is our year. I can’t fucking take it easy and watch movies on my couch.”

Anger floods my veins as I watch this season slip away. So many people are counting on me to play my part this season. My team deserves to go all the way, but without one of us, that’ll be challenging.

“Kolt,” Paige says, and I can hear the worry in her tone, “I don’t think—”

“No, I don’t want to hear it. You’ve been gone for a year and a half, Paige. Don’t pretend to care now,” I cut her off. “Hockey is all I have. And without me, the team isn’t whole.”

“I’m not saying you’re going to miss the entire season, son.” He sighs. “Let’s just run the tests, and then we can go from there, all right? There’s no sense in getting wound up until we have all the information.”

I don’t nod or say anything. I simply look away from him and stare out the window.

This season is supposed to be ours. My whole life, I’ve let everyone down. This is the one time I thought I could be a part of something that didn’t fucking fail.

I let my mother down when I couldn’t protect her from my father. And again when I went to live with the Hendrixes because I wanted my brother and me to make it to the pros so badly that I lost sight of anything else.

I let Klay down because I couldn’t shield him from the fucked-up reality that was our family. As his older brother, that was my job, and I blew it.

I disappointed my wife when I couldn’t man up and fucking talk out my shit, so instead, I sabotaged us to the point of no return and forced her to leave me behind.

And now, my team. I’m their top defenseman, and I’m leaving them down a man. They’ll all say it’s fine, and they will mean it too. But they want to win this fucking season, and they’ll resent me.Iresent myself.

“We’ll give you a few minutes, and then we’ll be back to get you to run those tests,” I hear the doctor say, but I don’t answer or turn to face him.

Right now, I’m really fucking mad, and whatever comes out of my mouth will make me sound like an even bigger asshole.

Just when I think he’s gone, he says, “I can tell you, as hard as this all is to wake up and hear, if it wasn’t for that chest protector, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.” He pauses. “You would have died instantly, son.”

A whimper comes straight from Paige’s lips before his footsteps disappear. It sounds like the same whimpers I’d hear on those nights when I came home drunk. At first, she’d cry. Sometimes, I’d hold her because I couldn’t fucking stand to see her sad.

When I turn to face her, I see tears in her eyes. And, fuck, seeing that hurts more than taking that dude’s body to my chest. Pain sears through me, but I know this time, it’s not the kind that’ll kill me. It only feels like it will.

---