Page 69 of Shoot Your Shot

Her arms wrap around my neck, and for a few minutes, she just holds on to me. I’m thankful that I reserved a private room for us because, right now, the last thing she needs is to be on display.

“Okay, my turn.” She pulls back, sniffling. “Why was I still your emergency contact?”

I brush my thumb along her fingers. “I’d like to tell you it’s because I didn’t get around to changing it.”

She watches me intently, waiting to hear the rest of the answer, and I know right then that I need to tell her the truth.

“But that would be bullshit. Because the truth is, I had plenty of chances to change it. You’ve been my person since I was seventeen. I knew deep down that whether we were together or not, even if I’m not yours anymore … you will always be mine, Paige.” I press a kiss to her lips. “That will never change. I will never move on. I will never let go. And I will always be here.”Tears fill my eyes, and my heart squeezes inside my chest. “And if something ever happened to me, I’d want my wife to be the first to know. Because out of all the people in the world … you mean the most to me.” I kiss her again, tasting the salt from her tears. “You are the only one who matters to me.”

Sobs rip through her throat, and she throws her arms around me. “I love you,” she cries. “I love you so much.” She kisses me, putting her hands on my head. “Take me home, Kolt.”

“What about the ballet?” I utter against her lips. “You always said you wanted to go, and I never took you. I want to show you that I can be romantic and thoughtful. I want to show you that I can give you a good life. A life worth staying for.”

“Shh,” she whispers. “I don’t give a shit about any ballet, Kolt. That’s not who we are.” She kisses me again. “It’s not the elaborate dinners or dates that I’ve missed. It’s the everyday stuff that makes up a life. That’s what I’ve missed most. Things like cleaning up the yard on a weekend, going for walks around the neighborhood, driving to Starbucks together after we climb out of bed even though you don’t even drink coffee, or running to the hardware store after I look on Pinterest for DIY projects that you secretly hate to do.” She brushes her hand across my forehead. “The truth is, being away from you made me realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with a life of simplicity when you’re spending it with the one person you love most. So, take me home, Kolt. Take me home.” She pauses, her expression growing serious. “And take me to bed.Ourbed.”

The closer we get to our house, the more the heat pumps from her body. Her hand holds on to mine, and her thumb makes small strokes against my skin. I can feel what she wants. I want to give it to her too. A lot more than once.

But as much as I want to have sex with Paige, there’s one sort of small, but also sort of fucking gigantic, problem. And that problem is, I’m terrified. And not because I’m not ready to be balls deep in my wife—because I am.

I am so ready for that.

But before I take her into that room, I need to have a tough conversation with her. We need to say out loud all the things we keep skating around. There’s no more running from it or pretending it’s all going to go away. It isn’t. It’s going to hurt, but before I can rightfully make love to her for the first time since she left me, we need to figure our shit out. Not just for now, but for forever.

Pulling into the head of the driveway, I quickly stop at the gate and type in my wife’s birth date. Within seconds, it opens, and I drive through. Continuing down the driveway, I pull in front of the garage, hitting the button to open it before parking inside.

Nervously, she pulls her hand back from me and pushes her door open. By the time I’m out of the truck, she’s heading intothe house. When I follow behind and she turns to look at me, it’s like she already knows what’s coming.

“You don’t want this?” she asks quickly, stopping in the dimly lit kitchen and looking down at her hands.

Pressing my thumb against her chin, I force her to look at me. “Baby, I want this more than I want my next breath,” I rasp, dropping my finger down and backing her up against the counter.

I put my hands on both sides of her before bringing my palms down on the counter. “But before we do this, I need to know you’re mine.”

My eyes sting with tears, but I try to stay strong for my wife. Because that’s what she needs—a strong man. Not the weak bitch I was in the past. The one who sabotaged us or hid from pain on a barstool.

“I can’t go through losing you again, Paige. It’ll fucking kill me. I know it will.” I look away from her, but only for a split second. “Losing you the first time felt like losing an organ. Somehow, I stayed alive, even though it felt like I was dying. But going through that twice? I can’t do it.”

“Kolt, I—”

Bringing my hand to her cheek, I stop her. “I understand if you want to find a man who can give you everything you want. It would destroy me, but to make your dreams come true, I would let you go.” I swipe a tear away from her face after it spills from her eye. “I might never be able to give you a baby, Paige. And I know more than anything, you want to be a mom.” I scrub the back of my free hand against my eyes to wipe away the wetness. “You’d be the best mother—I know you would. And while I can’t promise anything, I swear this to you: if you stay, I’ll doanythingI can to make that dream come true. I’ll stop at nothing. But I know there’s no guarantee, and if you can’t stay and risk it—if having only me isn’t enough—” I blink the tearsfrom my eyes. “I’ll forgive you. Because I love you that much, and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy.”

Reaching between us, she cups my face and quickly shakes her head. “I promise you, Kolt, it has never been about you being enough. You willalwaysbe enough for me. And the life we built before, and will continue to build back up, will always be enough.” She presses her forehead against mine. “If we never have a yard full of kids, we will be okay. Because we’ll have each other.”

She stops, sniffling. “I haven’t given you an answer not because I’m scared you can’t have kids. I haven’t given you an answer because I’m scared that once you get me back, you’ll go into that dark place again.” She takes a few shaky breaths. “But this time, Kolt, just like your mom made me promise … I will love you through it. I swear I will never ever turn my back on you again.” With her soaked lashes, she blinks a few times. “I am as much at fault for letting us fall apart. But there wasn’t a single second of when I was gone that I wasn’t missing you.”

I bring her face to mine and roughly kiss her. “I’m so sorry I kept everything from you for so long. I was scared. And I felt like a fucking failure.” The truth feels like a knife cutting me right down my chest. “You are my best friend, Paige. You’re my person and the love of my life. I never want to keep a secret from you again. Especially not one that makes me lose you.” I kiss her again. “I love you, baby. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she sobs. “I love you. And if I’m being honest, I think I knew the second I saw you in the hospital bed that I was never leaving again. I just … had to come to the realization on my own terms.” She presses her mouth on mine, whimpering, “Take me to our bed, Kolt. I’ve missed you so damn much that I can’t take it anymore. I need you now.”

His lips crash against mine once again, and his tongue slips into my mouth, leaving me completely breathless. We’ve kissed thousands of times. And a bunch since I’ve been back in Portland, but this time, it feels different from before.

Raw. Real.

And forever.

Draping one arm around my lower back, he pulls my body against his, and his erection presses against my stomach, growing rapidly as I continue kissing him. Then, he scoops me up into his arms and carries me toward our bedroom.

“I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around me,” he growls against my lips, and I inhale sharply, breathing in the minty taste of his mouth. “I’ve missed you so fucking much, baby.”

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