Page 38 of Sadie's Guarded Harbor

Rubbing her fingers through her cat’s silky fur helped calm her nerves. She weighed her choices. She could gloss over what had happened in Iraq, hell she could not tell him anything and he’d respect her decision, but what good had keeping everything locked inside done?

None.

She’d pushed every dark secret she’d carried home from overseas deep down into her soul. Her walls stood high, not wanting anyone to witness the ugliness lingering there. And because of that, she kept most people at a distance.

Realization struck her like a blow to the stomach. She trusted Tommy. More than just as a partner she was working a casewith, but as a friend…and possibly more. Her chest tightened, and she absently rubbed at her sternum. If she was going to dive in, she might as well tell him all of it. “I never wanted to leave the military. My plan was to be a lifer. Being a part of the Army was the first time I had a real home, a real community and purpose.”

Tommy hitched up the corner of his mouth. “I understand that. I’ve never wanted to be anything but a police officer. Some say it’s in the blood.”

“I believe that.” A sad smile lifted her lips as all her experiences and achievements burst forth in her mind. She’d loved her job, and she’d loved knowing she was making a huge difference.

But then everything changed.

Her mouth dipped into a frown, and she dropped her gaze to her lap. She set her beer on the coffee table.

Tommy gently squeezed her knee. “What happened to make you leave? To make you move here where you didn’t know a single person?”

Moisture filled her eyes again, but this time she didn’t fight the misting that blurred her vision. “I was stationed in a small town in Iraq. I was a translator. My commanding officer thought the women would trust me more than the men in my unit. My job was to try and gain information we needed for our missions in exchange for giving the women of the village what they needed to survive.” She sucked in a deep breath, needing a moment to compose herself. She rubbed her hand over Mittens’ exposed stomach, focusing on the feel of the soft fur against her skin—the warmth of his fat little body on her. She couldn’t get sucked up in the past. She could tell the story of what happened without being completely transported back there.

“I can understand why your CO would think women would trust you. You’re good with people when you want to be.” He grinned, his dimples flashing.

She swatted at his chest, and he captured her hand and held it against him. Warmth shot all the way to her toes. Her initial instinct told her to pull away, avoid contact, but the feel of her hand in his comforted her in a way she’d never experienced—in a way she’d never imagined possible.

The humor vanished from his handsome face. “Keep going. If you want. I’m here to listen.”

She swallowed, her mouth as dry as the desert she’d spent so much time in. “Most of the time, the information I gathered from the villagers would help lead us to a militia camp or give us inside intel. But once in a while, they’d help us locate dangerous men. Men who had hurt and killed and took no prisoners. If we could get to them before they got to us, everyone was safer.”

His thumb moved against the side of her hand. “Sounds like a win-win for everyone.”

“It was supposed to be.” A weight crushed her lungs, making it hard to breath, but she pushed on. “But then something happened. Something that changed everything.”

Keeping their fingers locked, he lifted his free hand and tucked it under her chin. He forced her eyes to meet his. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want—if it’s too difficult.”

“There was a woman in town who came to me. A man we’d been after for a long time was nearby, but we couldn’t pin him down. She agreed to help if we gave her food for her child—her little boy.” Tears streamed over her cheeks. Pressure built in her sinuses. But she had to get it all out. “I went to her house to bring her the food. Once I was inside, someone locked the door and set the place on fire. It was a tiny hut. Flames took over the space in seconds. I scrambled to find a way to escape—to get the three of us out. The smoke was so thick. The only way out was through the door. I banged my shoulder against it over and over and over. Even after the flames beat against my skin. Amelia’s father finally got to us. I’m the only one who made it out alive.The smoke…” She could still taste the thick smoke, still smell the burning wood and feel the ash-filled air on her lungs.

“I’m so sorry. But you did everything you could.”

She shook her head. “I should have done more, been faster. I can still hear their screams, see the terror on their faces as we searched for an escape. I can see Amelia’s father’s face as he found me and carried me out of there then fell to the ground, never to get up again. I’ll never get that moment out of my head. I was supposed to protect them.Hewas supposed to be here to help me raise our daughter.” The shaking started again, first her foot tapping then up her leg and torso until it overtook her entire body.

Tommy folded her into his arms again. He pushed stray wisps of hair off her face, his palm lingering on the back of her head. “Come here. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

She buried her face in his shoulder. Sobs caught in her throat. Her heart shattered all over again—for the lives lost and the part she played in it. For the future she’d been robbed of.

He rubbed his palm in a circle between her shoulder blades. “So you left the service because of the trauma?”

“Partly. My back was burned pretty bad. I spent time in the hospital before I was discharged. It’s a miracle I didn’t lose Amelia. After that, I knew I had to do whatever it took to keep her safe.”

His hand flew away from her shoulders. “Oh my God. Am I hurting you?” Concern filled his voice.

She lifted her head, their faces so close together. She offered him a weak smile. “The wounds healed a long time ago. The physical ones anyway. Scars are left behind, but I can’t see them, so I forget they’re there most of the time.”

The tips of his fingers skimmed a jagged scar slashed along his cheekbone. “I understand a little something about scars.”

She lifted her hand and grazed her knuckles against the side of his face. “I’ve always wondered where that came from.”

“A story for another time. I promise.” He folded her hand in his, halting the motion against his smooth skin. “Are you all right?”

She shrugged. “As all right as I can be. Tonight was tough anyway, but combined with everything from my past… I just needed to let it out. Thank you for being here.”

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