Page 89 of Cold as Ice

“God, you’re so hot in this I’m surprised I didn’t spontaneously come on the spot. You, a fucking angel with a halo andglitter.”

“You really like it?”

Elliott laughed. His mouth had slipped to Mal’s neck, and he was nibbling up and down it with an expert motion that would’ve turned his knees to jelly if he wasn’t already sitting down.

“I love it,” Elliott murmured. “It’s hot as fuck. You’re hot as fuck—”

“We’ve established that you believe that,” Mal joked tightly.

“It’s a solid fact. You’re a solid ten out of ten. The first time I saw you . . . God, I wanted you so fucking bad. Then and every goddamn time since.”

Mal pulled back, taking in Elliott’s red, wet lips, the dilated pupils, and the glitter that had somehow smeared across his cheeks. “The first time we met?”

Elliott suddenly looked worried. Guilty. Concerned. “Well,yeah.”

“The time you hit on me at the party? Last year?”

“Uh,yeah.”

But Mal had developed an expertly honed Elliott bullshit detector out of sheer necessity, and he knew he wasn’t being honest. “I don’t believe you.” A horrible thought hit him. “Was it a joke?” he demanded. “Did you hit on me that night as a fucking joke?”

Elliott hadn’t known then about Aubrey from high school, who’d fucked Mal up for years and years. But he knewnow, and he’d still not said anything?

“Hold up,” Elliott said, gripping his shoulder, fingers still stroking his neck. Gently, persuasively. “I did noteverhit on you as a fucking joke. You’re thinking of a different time than I am. That’s not the first time we met.”

Mal was confused, even as his heartbeat returned to normal. He ignored how sweet the relief coursing through him felt. “When, then?”

Elliott’s chuckle was wry. “I came to Portland the winter before my freshman year. For a recruiting trip. I went to a game. You were in the locker room after, and you pulled off your helmet, and your hair was longer, then, even longer than it is now.” Elliott reached up with his other hand and twisted one of his short curls around his finger. Kind of the way he’d twisted Mal around his whole self. “I saw you and I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted another guy before. I thought I was probably fucked, because you were straight, but then Ramsey made some joke about getting on your knees and you flushed. That’s when it started for me.”

“Then?”

Mal couldn’t believe it. He barely even remembered that. He had only the briefest impression of Elliott, then. If he’d thought about him at all, he’d probably decided that Elliott was a good player and they needed good players.

“Then,” Elliott confirmed. He tugged Mal closer again, kissed him, and it was sweetandhot. Then he broke the kiss and his gaze was so unbearably serious Mal wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. “I came here, because of that. Because of you.”

“You did not.” Mal shook his head, not wanting to believe it. Because if he did, then the first time Elliott had walked across a room to talk to him, at that Gamma Sigma party he hadn’t wanted to go to, that meant Elliott hadmeant it. Malcolm hadn’t been just any other guy. If Elliott was telling the truth—and Mal had no reason tonotbelieve it, not with how earnestly he was looking at him now—then Malhadbeen his destination. Hisonlydestination.

And, afraid and cold, terrified of letting anyone in and sure that this young, gorgeous guy couldn’t mean everything he wassaying, Mal had pushed him away. Had been maybe not a complete asshole about it, but at least partially an asshole.

“My sisters made fun of me for ages. Picking a school because I wanted some guy’s dick. Joke’s on them, I guess, because I got it in the end.” He paused, his fingers still stroking Mal’s neck, like he had some clue of how this was breaking Mal’s mind apart. “Gotyouin the end.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Mal said. And that was the goddamn truth.

Elliott laughed. “I figured you wouldn’t, which is why I never told you.”

“And all the . . .all the bullshit? All the picking on me? All the shit you pulled, again and again?”

“Got your attention, didn’t I?” There was resigned bitterness in Elliott’s face now, like he knew how this was going to end, now that Mal knew hownotcasual this was.

But Mal had never wanted it to be that way. Surely Elliott knew that? Or maybe not. After all, what kind of idiot thought it was better to have someattention,anyattention, than none? Even if it was negative?

“You should have told me.”

“Yeah, tried that once. More than once.” Elliott rolled his eyes. Tried to move back, like he’d gotten the memo that with the turn this conversation had taken, Mal wouldn’t want him anymore.

He reallywasan idiot if he thought that was true.

Except you’re doing a shitty job of reassuring him.

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