Page 83 of Cold as Ice

Incredible. Amazing. Life-changing?

Mal considered saying all those things. Maybe it would make him look like an idiot, if he did. Maybe sex was always like this, and he’d just been cluelessly missing out all this time.

But then Elliott finished his sentence. “Ugh, that was so goddamn good. I don’t think it’s ever felt like that before.”

Mal froze. “But—”

“I know,” Elliott said wryly. He pressed a wet kiss to Mal’s collarbone. “I know.”

“So it’s not always like this?”

Elliott chuckled. “No. Not in my experience, anyway.” He paused. “And don’t say anything about how extensive my experience probably is.”

“Would I do that?” Mal could probably concede that a few weeks ago, when he had been determined not to let anyone—especially Elliott Jones—burn down all his well-constructed walls, he might have said something like that. “Actually, don’t answer that. I probably would’ve.”

“You didn’t now, that’s what matters,” Elliott said, a surprisingly earnest look in his eyes.

Mal wasn’t sure that was true, but if Elliott was going to give it to him, he didn’t want to argue with it. “If you say so.”

“I do.” Elliott grinned. “I also say we’d better get cleaned up.”

It was much the same as it had been the night before. Elliott grabbed a washcloth and came back, helping Mal dispose of the condom.

“I’m on PrEP,” Elliott said, explaining, as he tied it off and tossed it in the trash. “And you’re a virgin—werea virgin—but we still have to worry about other STDs. But I’ll get tested in the next few days and then we don’t have to use those anymore.”

“Is that—is that . . .” Mal stuttered. He couldn’t imagine being wrapped up in all that heat without anything in between him and Elliott. He’d come the moment he slid inside him.

“Oh, it’s good,” Elliott said. “And we don’t have to do it again, if you don’t want to, but I thought—”

“I want to,” Mal said firmly. He would take anything Elliott gave him. “And we could always uh . . .do it the other way, too, if you wanted?”

Elliott had the nerve to look surprised. “Really?”

“Just because I don’t know what I’m doing doesn’t mean I don’t want things, too.” Mal’s hands fisted in the mussed sheets. “Maybe I want them even more.”

Elliott’s face softened. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I didn’t mean to make assumptions. You want me to fuck you? It’d be a privilege.”

“Okay.” Mal swallowed hard. “I noticed . . .uh . . .some other things in the drawer . . .”

“Aw, you snoop,” Elliott teased.

Mal nearly apologized, but then Elliott continued. “Yeah, we’ll try those first. It’s not . . .it’s not easy, the first time. But I’ll do what I can to make it easy on you.”

“We don’t . . .you don’t . . .” Mal stuttered.

“Yes, I do, yes, we do.” Elliott slung an arm around his shoulders, pressing his mouth to his shoulder. “I’m gonna take good care of you.”

Mal squeezed his eyes shut over the sudden onslaught of emotion washing through him. His throat felt tight and thick, his tongue too big for his mouth.

How had he ever believed that Ell was a careless playboy who only cared about fun and the next one-night stand he could notch on his bed frame?

Maybe he’d believed it because it was easier to believe that was true than it was to look right at the guy and see behind the easy, uncomplicated exterior. Easier to avoid it and continue his delusion that Mal didn’t want him.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright, that was a big thing,” Elliott murmured. This time he wrapped his arms around him more fully, and Mal practically fell into his embrace.

Surely this would be the moment when Elliott decided this was too much, too fast, that he’d never signed up for all this baggage. But he didn’t let go, and so neither did Mal.

“It’s a big thing,” Elliott repeated softly. “And it was good, yeah?”

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