Page 60 of The Highseer's Mate

I don’t think it’s possible

I feel dizzy, my heartbeat in my throat. Pulling my knees to my chest, I hug myself tight and imagine he’s here—holding me.

But he’s not. And this is what it will feel like to say goodbye. A caved-in chest and a heart that doesn’t want to keep beating.

“No,” I whimper and sniffle. “No.”

Chapter 23

Paige

When I can’t stand being alone anymore, wallowing in the ache in my chest, I pull myself to my feet.

Like a zombie, I walk out of the armory, but instead of heading to my own chamber I share with Varek, I go see my friends. I can’t return to those furs—the ones I share with Varek–at least not yet. Not when I know they still smell like my mate and that in a matter of days I could lose him.

It isn’t fair.

But none of this is fair, is it?

I slip underneath the leather into the chamber my friends share. It’s warmer than the last time I was here. Several different beds of fur line the outer wall for each woman and a new leather tapestry hangs on an especially rocky patch of mountain—devoid of the glowing gems. Melina is still unconscious but her color is a bit better.

Guilt claws through me.

I should talk to Selvara about her condition. See how she’s doing.

Lara is across the chamber, a small plate of food on her lap. When she sees me, her eyes light up. “Hey!”

“Hey,” I mumble. “Where’s Nicole and Ryan?”

“Nicole went to the kitchens to get some food. She brought me this.” Lara raises her plate and offers a smile. “I have no idea about Ryan.”

I nod and cross the room to Melina. I hate that there is nothing we can do but wait. Sitting by her side, I lift the fur across her legs and hiss at the nasty bruises from her toes all the way to her hip.

“It looks awful, doesn’t it?” Lara asks. She grabs her plate and joins me, offering me a bite. I politely decline. “When I was twelve, I broke my ankle and I swear I didn’t bruise this badly.”

I shake my head. Even if she does survive, will she be able to walk again? I haven’t been with the Vruts long, but I can’t imagine that they have a sprawling physical therapy program somewhere inside the mountain.

“I told her to get back in the pod,” I whisper, squeezing Melina’s hand.

Lara sighs deeply. “You didn’t know what was going to happen.”

“I did. I knew we were going to crash.” I tell her. “I screamed at her to get in her pod but she hesitated. She wanted me to return to mine, too. If I would have just listened to her—”

If I had crawled back into my pod, she wouldn’t have been tossed around inside the ship—battered like this. I could have protected her. Perhaps, not from everything that’s happened since we landed on Nyxara, but from her injuries.

Lara shakes her head. “She’s a grown woman. You can’t fault yourself. None of us could have predicted any of this.”

A hot flush creeps up the back of my neck as I walk through the crash, second by second, thinking about what I could have done differently.

Maybe I never should have boarded the ship to Mars.

Should have. Could have. Would have.

There are a thousand things I would change if I could. But Varek isn’t one of them.

I squeeze Melina’s hand again as my vision goes blurry. “When Varek stole me, I thought he was a monster. I was afraid.”

“How could you not be?” Lara asks. “We all were.”

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