Page 39 of From Maybe to Baby

"Did you just... was that a water pun?"

"WHALE, maybe."

"That's terrible."

"I SEA what you did there."

"Please stop."

"What's the matter? Feeling a bit TIDE down by all these puns?"

I try to glare, but he's laughing now, and it's infectious. "I see where your kids get their sense of humor."

"Bold of you to assume I have any sense at all." Lesson over, he helps Jace climb onto his shoulders, muscles flexing in ways that should be illegal in public. "Most days I'm just trying to keep my head above water."

"Speaking of water..." I nod toward Lukas, who's attempting to teach another kid how to put his face in the water by holding his head down.

"Lukas! Let him go!”

"He’s learning, Dad," Lukas announces proudly.

"Come over here, now,” Jonas says, nervously looking around for the pissed-off parent of Lukas’s student.

I hide my laugh behind my notebook. "Good control, Hockey Dad."

"Hey, I'm learning." He holds a squirmy, slippery, wet kid in each arm, a testament to his brute strength.

"You should have seen me when they were younger,” he continues. “What a disaster. I’ve made every rookie move there is, even when I should have been past the rookie phase."

"No."

"Oh yeah. And that's not even my worst parent story. Ever try to explain to airport security why your toddler's stuffed animal is beeping?"

"Do I want to know?"

"Jace had hidden my phone in it. Again. She goes through phases where she likes to make everyday objects more 'exciting.'"

"That's one word for it."

"Last month she decided the washing machine needed decoration. With maple syrup."

I shouldn't laugh. It's not professional to laugh. But his dry delivery combined with Jace's proud expression is too much.

"They're basically tiny drunk people," I say before I can stop myself. "All the mess, none of the coordination."

Instead of being offended, he actually snorts. "That... explains so much. The random emotional outbursts, the inability to walk straight, the weird food choices..."

"The public nudity attempts..."

"The crying about completely normal things..."

"The sudden need to tell strangers their life story..."

We're both laughing now, drawing curious looks from the mom squad in the corner.

"I can't believe you just compared my children to drunk people," he manages, but he's grinning.

"Hey, you agreed."

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