Page 35 of From Maybe to Baby

I want to crawl away and die.

"I think," I say carefully, "that Miss Minty needs to focus on her work right now."

Jace pipes up from the pool, where she's hanging onto the side and supposedly practicing her kicks. “She can sleep over like Frenchie does," she yells.

Alexa chokes.

"Frenchie is our nanny," I explain quickly, as if that makes any of this better. "She sometimes stays over when I have early practice or away games."

"Miss Minty can be our new Frenchie," Lukas suggests with the kind of enthusiasm that makes me wish the pool would suddenly need emergency maintenance. "But better because she does magic braids."

"I'm not—" Alexa starts.

"Can you read stories?" Jace shouts.

"I really don't?—"

"And then she can marry Daddy and be our new mommy," Lukas hollers.

Dead silence falls over the pool area. Even the volcano seems to hold its scheduled eruption and I could swear the earth stops rotating for a second or two.

Or maybe that’s my heart, just deciding to up and stop because what is the point of going on?

"Time for a snack," I announce with forced cheerfulness. "Right now. Immediately. Get out of the pool and come with me."

"But we’re not done with swim lessons," Lukas protests.

"Can Miss Minty come?” Jace asks as I whip her out of the water and wrap her in a towel.

"Miss Minty needs to write her article," Alexa says, finally finding her voice. "About the resort. The very professional article about the very professional resort activities."

"Miss Minty is here to work. Remember what we said about respecting people's jobs?" I say.

"But—"

"No buts. Snack time. Now."

They trudge behind me, but not before Lukas stage-whispers to Alexa, "Don't worry, you can marry my daddy later. After you finish your work.”

I set the kids up at a round table under an umbrella and feed them carrot sticks with hummus, one of their favorites that’s guaranteed to keep them occupied for at least a few minutes.

I slink back over to Alexa. "I am so sorry. They get excited and they just... say crazy things."

"It's fine." Her voice suggests it's very much not fine. "Kids say the darnedest things, right? Great material for the article. Very authentic family resort experience."

"They didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable." She's shuffling her notes like she wants to crawl out of her skin. "I'm working. Being professional. Writing about family activities that definitely don't include impromptu weddings as suggested by little kids."

Jesus Christ. This is fucking agony.

I try to dig myself out. "If it makes you feel better, their last wedding plan involved marrying me off to a pizza delivery girl."

She actually laughs at that, the tension breaking slightly. "Should I be honored to outrank pizza?"

I raise my hands. "Slow down now. I wouldn’t assume that you have. They love pizza, possibly more than princess braids, or whatever Jace calls those things.”

It’s funny, right? This whole thing is funny.

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