Page 101 of From Maybe to Baby

"You know those ‘likes’ are public," she smirks.

"I hate you. Again.”

It feels good to talk like a temperamental teenager.

"No, you hate Paris." Lucy grins. "Now, what are you going to do about it?"

I look at my unfinished articles. My unpacked suitcase. My perfectly organized life that feels completely out of whack.

"I have to go," I tell Lucy. "I have a deadline."

"Yeah, a family deadline." She raises her empty ice cream container. "Don't make me stage another intervention. I can’t handle this many calories on a regular basis. Now I have to go to the gym for five hours. Plus, I feel sick."

After she hangs up, I find another Goldfish in my coat pocket. I’d eat it if it weren’t covered in fuzz.

Wonder if they sell them here?

Maybe this what rock bottom looks like in Paris—orange crackers, hockey jerseys, dirty hair, and wondering where you took a wrong turn.

There'ssomething deeply sad about watching hockey highlights in a Paris café at three a.m., but here I am, hunched over my phone while the waiter speaks only French, of course. Jonas's game stats flash across the screen as the worst performance of his career. The commentators are being diplomatic about it, throwing around terms like "personal matters" and "family situation."

"Perhaps madame would like something stronger than coffee?" The waiter’s accent drips with judgment when he finds out I know about five French words.

Regardless, I would certainly like something stronger than coffee. But I have work to do that I should probably be sober for.

"Your coverage lacks your usual... spark," Ryan said during yesterday’s video meeting. He was being kind. What he meant wasyour articles read like someone who'd rather be anywhere other than where you are. “Where's the Alexa Minty flair? The sophistication? The—" he asked.

"Sorry, what?"

"Exactly my point. You're physically in Paris, but where's your head?"

I knew I forgot something in San Francisco.

My phone lights up again. Mom this time, even though she’s just five Metro stops away:

How’s your day going?

Meh

You don’t sound so good

Living the life

You seem miserable

I'm fine

If you insist

Want to know something? I didn't leave your father for adventure

What?

This is new. The story's always been about escaping suburban life. Finding herself. Chasing dreams.

I left because I was scared. Scared of loving people who could leave

You still left

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