Page 89 of From Maybe to Baby

Delete.

Gloria:

The children are asking questions

Can't delete that one.

"Daddy?" Jace calls from her room. Her crown is crooked, her hair a mess of failed attempts at braids. "Can you do my hair like Lexa?”

“You’re supposed to be going to sleep, honey. But I’ll try.” My fingers are too big for tiny braids, too clumsy for delicate hair clips, too... inept. The result looks more like a hockey helmet malfunction.

"It's okay," Jace says, patting my hand with the kind of compassion that breaks me. "We can practice later. Lexa's busy."

When did my three-year-old start protecting my feelings?

As I say goodnight, my phone lights up with another memory I can't delete—a photo from last week. All of us are on the ice, while Alexa tries to stay upright while Jace attempts "princess spins." We’re all laughing.

Lukas is not the only one whose behavior changes. Jace stops hiding phones. Stops asking for princess hair. Stops... hoping. Just like after Genny, she's learning to expect less, to need less, to love less.

My phone again:

Alexa:

Out on interviews. Kiss the kids for me?

They miss you

I know. I just need...

Time?

Space

Paris has plenty of that

No response.

As night rolls around again, I tuck the kids in, trying not to notice two small faces pretending not to watch the door

"Tell us a story?" Jace asks. "One of Lexa's?"

"How about a different one?"

"No." She clutches her unicorn tighter. "Lexa's stories are best."

"Dad?" Lukas's asks. "We'll be okay, right?”

"Always, buddy."

We have to be okay, because what’s the alternative? We’ve already been through the worst of things. If we survived that, we can survive anything.

The text comesduring team practice, my phone buzzing in my locker like a countdown.

Alexa:

Can't make Lukas's presentation. Deadline emergency.

Where are you?

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