Page 103 of From Maybe to Baby

"The kids miss you," he says finally.

"Only the kids?" I take another sip of wine, staring at my perfectly organized Paris apartment.

There’s silence for a moment. Too long to be comfortable.

“Hey look, sorry for calling so late. I should let you go. I’m sure you have an early call in the morning.”

“Wait—”

I hang up.

He calls me right back.

“I wasn’t finished,” he says sleepily.

“I’m sorry I hung up. That was rude.”

"I thought I wanted this," I tell Jonas. "The dream job. The sophisticated life. The freedom to write about overpriced restaurants, too-expensive wine, and the joys of being child-free."

"And?"

"I actually walked around today seeing if I could find Goldfish crackers anywhere. It’s insane, but I couldn’t help it. Lukas got me hooked on them. And then, I keep finding myself researching San Francisco school districts during meetings."

"What are you saying, Alexa?"

"I don’t know. But I miss the kids. I do.”

"And?"

"And you. I miss you. I miss us. I miss everything I thought I didn't want."

Through my window, Paris sparkles with all the dreams I’ve always had. All the dreams I’ve endlessly chased.

"The kids have a school thing next week," he says carefully. Like he's afraid to hope. "Some kind of art show."

"I know. It's in my calendar. The one I'm not supposed to be keeping. Lukas is showing his hockey series, isn't he?"

"Among other works. He's branched out into mixed media. Lots of glitter."

"Jace's influence?"

"Obviously. She's very proud."

"And hockey?"

A pause. "He might play. If someone promises to film it."

"Jonas..."

"I'm just saying."

I look at my Fashion Week passes. My dream job contract. My perfect Paris life. Then at my laptop, which has a tab open to the airlines, specifically flights from Paris to San Francisco.

"I have to go," I tell him.

"Paris calling?"

"Something like that."

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