Page 77 of (Not So) Mad About You

Alli looked out of the window, wheels clicking into placeinside her head. “I did. I have.”

“But you need to stop blaming other people for that,” he said. “You’re the one to blame for all of this, and you know it. You and your temper.”

She closed her eyes. “I know.”

“Do you? Do you really? Because nothing’s going to change until you can admit that.”

With the greatest effort, she opened her eyes again and turned to look at him. “I have a problem.” The words hurt.

Darren took her hands. “Okay, that’s the first step. Is this a problem that you’re willing to try and solve?”

She’d lost her job. She’d lost Bea. What else did she have to lose? She took a deep breath. “I think I need to go into an anger management program.”

Chapter Thirty One

“Come on now,” Liz said. “I thought we were being a big girl and standing up for ourselves?”

“I am,” Bea said, looking around the bright, empty flat. It was small, but clean and the light was wonderful. It was also more expensive than the flat she was sharing with Robbie and Marilyn.

“Listen,” said Liz. “I can lend you a little cash if that would help?” She was balanced on her crutches with her bum on a windowsill, still learning how to get around.

Bea took a deep breath, then shook her head. “Nope, but thank you for the offer.”

“Well then, you’re going to have to go and talk to Luke, aren’t you?” Liz asked, dropping a crutch. “Bugger.”

Bea bent down to pick it up. She could stand up for herself. She could make her voice heard. She’d learned that now. It didn’t mean she relished the thought of asking for a raise, but it needed to be done. She took a deep breath, handed Liz her crutch back, and nodded. “Right, I’d better go now then.”

“No time like the present,” Liz grinned. “Want me to come with?”

Bea shook her head. “Nope, I’ve got this.”

“Good girl,” said Liz. She hesitated for a second. “Um, anymore calls?”

“No.” Bea wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Alli calling had been painful. It was hard not to pick the phone up. But at least it was a connection. Alli not calling, that was… more painful. She’d given up, Bea supposed, which she had every right to do.

“Any regrets?” Liz asked.

Bea bit her lip, then shook her head. “No. I can’t be with someone who treats me like that, who can lose her temper at any point. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t think she has a problem. I need to put myself first.”

“Good girl,” Liz said again. She reached out and Bea had to move to take her hand and squeeze it. “I’m here if you need anything.”

“I know,” Bea said. “And I’d better be going if I’m going to try and catch Luke.”

BENNY HAD DEVELOPED a strange creaking noise whenever she drove over thirty miles an hour. Bea tried hard not to think about garage bills. Actually, she tried hard not to think at all. This was a new life, she told herself. A new start, a new her, a better way of living. She was a strong, independent woman.

Which meant she could stand up for herself and put herself first and all the rest.

But she was sweaty and feeling a bit sick when she pulled up in front of St. Hilda’s. In fact, her legs were shaking so much that she worried for a second that she might not be able to walk inside.

“It’s like going to the dentist,” she told herself. “You’ve just got to get started and then it’ll be done and you’ll feel better.”

She got out of the car and really, really wished Josh was there to greet her. She’d feel better with someone friendly on side. But he was off enjoying his free time, like everyone else. She didn’t look up, she didn’t want to see the window of her room, the room where she and Alli…

It was no good, though. The second she walked inside all shecould see were places where Alli had been, places she’d seen her smile, places…

She groaned. She needed to get over this. She was going to have to work here, for god’s sake. She took a breath, looked straight forward, and marched her way to Luke’s office.

But when she knocked on the door, there was no answer, despite the rustling noises she could hear coming from inside. A grinding started, like a waste disposal or a bin lorry. Bea opened the door.

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