Page 75 of (Not So) Mad About You

“I’m not entirely sure why I’m here myself,” Alli admitted as she took a seat. “Other than that I’ve got nothing else to do.”

“Don’t you have some high-powered job?” Izzy asked.

Alli sighed. “I did. Now I don’t. I got fired.” She glared at Izzy as though expecting her to say something.

But Izzy just shrugged. “That’s bad luck, I’m sorry. Interviewing for something new?”

It occurred to Alli that perhaps not everyone thought in the same way she did. Her job had been her life, and her life was now empty without it. Yet for someone like Izzy, a job was just… a means to an end, perhaps. “Not yet.”

“What about Bea?” Izzy asked as the waitress brought over two cappuccinos.

Alli frowned, both because she hadn’t ordered anything and because she wasn’t exactly sure what Izzy meant about Bea. “Sorry?”

Izzy snorted. “Do you really think that none of us knew? We’re not idiots. You two were staring at each other like Romeo and Juliet, and you snuck out of your room every night. Those rooms had thin walls, you know.”

Alli stopped stirring her coffee. “What?”

“It’s fine. Nobody cared. You’re adults. We all thought it was cute. So where is she? Why didn’t you bring her along?”

“We, uh, we broke up.” A weird, full feeling in her chest made Alli catch her breath. Probably the coffee. Probably made with real milk. Except she hadn’t drunk anything yet.

Izzy put her spoon down. “Oh, Al, I’m sorry. What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay, but we’re friends. If you wanted to talk to someone, you could talk to me. I wouldn’t mind,” Izzy said.

And Alli cracked a little bit. Just a tiny fraction. For an instant, she imagined telling Izzy everything. Telling her about her whole life. Telling her that she thought about Bea every minute of the day. Telling her that she didn’t think she’d ever regretted something as much as losing her temper that day. Telling her that Bea wouldn’t answer her calls.

Then she remembered that the last time she’d opened up it had been to Bea, and look how that had ended.

“It’s nothing,” she said sharply.

Izzy shrugged. “If you say so.” She took a sip of coffee. “Except I remember breaking up with my Ken. It was right before we got married and we had a horrible argument, and then it was like the bottom had fallen out of my world. Like I didn’t know what to do with myself and I couldn’t even take a full breath.”

That sounded familiar. “So what happened?” Alli asked suspiciously.

Izzy grinned. “He apologized for losing his temper, cameover with a big bunch of flowers, talked about how it wouldn’t happen again and I forgave him, didn’t I?”

“Wait, he lost his temper with you? I thought you were the one with anger management issues,” Alli said.

Izzy looked away. “It was a one off. Anyway, it never did happen again and we’ve been happy ever since. Sometimes you just have to forget and forgive, you know?”

Alli wasn’t entirely sure she could either forget or forgive what Bea had done. Except the little bit of happiness she’d let into her life with Bea had left a hole that nothing could fill. Except, she had to admit to herself, she missed having someone. She missed a whole lot right now. She had no idea what she was doing with her life, other than sitting at a table with a practical stranger.

“Actually,” Izzy was saying. “There was something that I wanted to tell you. I don’t want you to be angry with me or anything, but then there’s the chance that you might be in the same boat, so I wasn’t sure whether to say anything or not.”

Alli shook her head. “We’re not in the same boat,” she said. “I can tell you that right now. I don’t really know why you asked me out for coffee, and I’m not sure why I agreed.” She was lonely, she realized. She’d thought that maybe meeting someone would make her feel better, make her miss Bea less. But it wasn’t working.

Izzy had gone pale. “Oh, right, well then…”

“Well then I should leave,” Alli finished, standing up. She put money on the table. “I shouldn’t have come.”

Izzy looked up at her. “Not everyone hates you.”

“What?”

“I said, not everyone hates you. You don’t have to be on the defensive all the time. You treat everyone badly so that you don’t have to be disappointed by them, to protect yourself. My kids do the same thing sometimes. But you’re not a child, Alli. And believe it or not, some people actually would like to be friends with you. And you do deserve friends, even if you act like you don’t.”

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