Page 46 of (Not So) Mad About You

“Piss off and leave me alone,” Bea said, her voice tight with anger.

But Alli didn’t.

It was like she was being controlled by something or somebody else. It was like she couldn’t help herself, like she was pulled forward by some kind of super-magnet. Because in a millisecond she was crushing her lips against Bea’s and then, unthinkingly, Bea was responding and the heat was building and Alli’s hands were grasping Bea’s waist and pulling her in and Bea was scrabbling hot fingers under the hem of Alli’s shirt and for just a moment, Alli understood the world.

Chapter Nineteen

For a long moment, everything seemed to come together. Everything just seemed… right. The taste of Alli on her tongue, the feeling of Alli against her skin, the deep pounding inside her that told her just how much she wanted this.

Then Alli was jerking away. Pulling back until Bea could see her green eyes gleaming, could see the wanting in her swollen lips, the flush on her cheeks.

“Fuck,” Alli said slowly. “Fuuu-uck.”

Then she turned on her heel and stalked away down the corridor, leaving Bea leaning against the wall breathless and not quite as confused as she might have expected.

So that was it. Bea bit her lip in wonder at it all. So that was what the problem had been. A smile started to spread across her face because now she knew why she’d been acting so strangely, why Alli had this effect on her.

Her legs were still a little wobbly as she walked herself back to her bedroom. She needed to shower and get ready for work, and she needed a little time to digest all this. To decide what to do about it.

Her phone beeped just as she was grabbing a robe and preparing to go to the bathroom. She glanced down at the message, saw that it was Liz, and figured she could cut her shower short by just five minutes.

“Hi,” she said when Liz picked up the phone. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I didn’t expect a call, I was just checking in that everything was going okay,” Liz said. “Well, that and I’m going stir crazy with Den running after me. He even got me a little bell to ring, like he’s my servant or something.”

“He just cares,” Bea said, perching on the end of her bed. “And, um, something happened.”

“What?” Liz’s voice sounded concerned.

“I kissed a girl.” It had never occurred to her to keep it to herself.

“Did you like it?” asked Liz.

“Zero cherry chapstick, other than that, um, yes, actually, I think I did. I definitely did.”

“Katy Perry references aside, Bea, I can’t see your face, I have no idea how this is impacting you. What happened?”

So Bea told her the whole sordid story, well, most of it. The parts that counted anyway. Right up until Alli pushed her against the wall and kissed her and Bea’s breath escaped and even now, telling the story, she felt herself grow warmer.

“Jesus, Bea, why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Liz said at the end.

“Because you’re not my mother, it’s not your job to fix my mistakes, and because I didn’t think it was that much of a problem.”

“You didn’t think that being blackmailed was a problem?”

“It’s not like she’d got pictures of me robbing a bank or anything,” Bea said. “It was… a thing. An accident. I don’t know. But anyway, it’s over now, she can’t blackmail me anymore, not after kissing me like that.”

There was a second of silence on the phone. “Bea, I love you. I just… I want to know that you’re alright. After all of this stuff with Robbie, I don’t want anyone to treat you badly again. I don’t want people to walk all over you at all, but especially one who’s supposed to love you.”

“But… she doesn’t,” Bea said, smiling. “That’s the weird part. There’s something about her. I can stand up for myself around her. I don’t know how it works. I just know that she doesn’t walk all over me, I don’t let it happen.”

“You let her blackmail you,” Liz put in.

“Yes, fine, I did. But mostly that was because I was worried about doing a good job and not making a bad impression in case it looked bad for you, you know, since you set me up here and all. Other than that, though, she really hasn’t taken advantage of me. Not in the way you might expect. I don’t know, Liz, I think there’s something here. Something I want to explore.”

“I’m glad you’re not having a gay crisis of conscience,” Liz said slowly. “I mean, love is love and there’s no reason you shouldn’t fall for a woman. But are you sure about this, Bea?”

“It was one kiss,” Bea said, falling back onto the bed. “One kiss, but I felt… All warm and gooey inside, I felt like someone in a romance novel. I’m not saying I’m in love with her, I’m just saying… I don’t know what I’m saying. This is new, different, it literally just happened. I… I’m curious. And there’s feelings there. Big ones. I think.”

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