Page 20 of (Not So) Mad About You

The woman stood in the doorway and Bea’s insides clenched. Any minute now she was going to say something, do something, and what was Bea going to say or do in return? Her mouth felt dry.

But the woman just stood there. Alli, that was her name. Alli Williams. With her long blonde hair and her porcelain skin and hooded green eyes. Bea looked her over, just a quick glance. She was definitely sporty looking. Again, Bea had the impression that she’d be good at yoga.

That she’d be good at curving that spine and bending over backward. Good at twisting and flexing herself.

The room was suddenly hot and Bea tugged at her collar.

“…the rest of the staff here,” Lex continued. “Please remember that we’re only here to help you. Aggression or anger directed toward staff members won’t be tolerated.”

Bea side-eyed Alli again. No aggression, no anger. She wondered if those rules applied to random strangers that walked into the program, or if they only applied to actual participants in the program.

Except now that she thought about it… why had a random stranger been let in?

“…quick introductions,” said Lex. “But I’m sure staff members will do a more thorough job of introducing themselves once their sessions start. You’ll find the first page in your handout is a list of sessions and your daily schedule.”

Surely they wouldn’t let people just walk in off the street, would they? As Bea watched, Alli looked around and then someone else, a harried, young-ish woman was handing Alli a buff envelope and Alli was taking out paperwork and suddenly blending in with the rest of the people in the room.

Bea’s stomach sank into her boots.

Surely not?

But Alli was reading the papers now and Bea’s hot flush turned into a cold shiver. There was only one explanation. Alli was a participant. Bea had a flash of a memory, the pure anger on Alli’s face at the petrol station. It made sense, didn’t it? The woman obviously needed some help. But why here?

Bea was sweaty now, stomach churning. This wasn’t right. Couldn’t be right. She stood up for herself one time, she lost her temper a little one time, and the results had to follow her? How was that fair?

Clearly, she was being punished by the universe for letting her anger show, this was some kind of divine retribution.

“And this is Bea, our yoga teacher, who you’ll also be seeing in group therapy sessions,” Lex said.

Bea turned at the sound of her name and managed a weak smile as her legs wobbled and she seriously considered fainting.Or perhaps running away. No, that wouldn’t work. Not with legs as wobbly as hers. She’d just fall flat on her face and then what? She’d already be down and she wasn’t entirely sure that Alli wouldn’t take the adage about kicking someone while they were down seriously.

She breathed in sharply, held it, breathed out slowly. She needed to calm down.

There was going to be some explanation for all this, she had to calm herself down. Maybe Alli was here to apologize. Maybe she’d tracked her down, signed up for the course, just to get her foot in the door so she could tell Bea how sorry she was.

An hour ago, Bea had been proud of standing up for herself. Now she was having serious doubts.

If Alli was here to apologize, she’d gone to great lengths to do so. Which made Bea think that probably she was wrong.

“And finally,” Lex said. “We’ll have a quick introduction. Just your name is fine, no need to go into details.” She smiled, and it looked scarily unsure. “You’ll have plenty of time for in-depth glimpses into each other's lives in therapy.” She pointed at the younger woman that had handed Alli her papers. “You first.”

“Um, Isabelle, Izzy.”

“Next,” barked Lex.

Unless, Bea thought, unless this wasn’t the same person at all. Maybe it just looked like her. Or, or maybe the incident hadn’t happened at all and had been a dream and… and what? And she’d suddenly taken a nap whilst driving here? That didn’t exactly make her feel better. But then she was holding her breath as Lex pointed to the next person in line, then the next, until finally she reached the woman by the door.

“Alli,” said Alli, smiling pretty brightly for someone that was enrolled in an anger management program, Bea thought.

So much for the dream theory. Bea did not feel good about this. In fact, now that she thought about it, she didn’t feel good about St. Hilda’s at all. The building was old and decrepit, the staff didn’t seem particularly qualified, and… and she had her past looming up to confront her.

Honestly, stand up for yourself one time and look what happened. She’d have to make sure to tell Liz about this. And to ignore all future advice from Liz about not being walked over. Being walked over sounded a lot better than being chased down by someone she’d stood up against.

“And I’ll let you go,” Lex smiled. “You’ll see from your schedules that dinner will be served in half an hour. So spend a little time getting to know your fellow participants.”

The other staff members stood up and made a bee-line for the door. The group participants milled around for a few moments, but also drifted toward the door.

Until Bea was left standing by the small stage. And Alli was left leaning against the wall by the door.

---