Still, she thought, stretching her legs out in the evening sun, the summer was young, and Tetherington got plenty of tourists. Just because she didn’t have anyone yet didn’t mean she wouldn’t have someone soon.
A girlfriend by the end of the summer. That didn’t seem too much to ask, did it?
Chapter Three
The problem with coming home was that it wasn’t home. It was just a place. Or at least that was what Cal was trying to tell herself as she roared into town on her motorbike.
The problem with lying to yourself is that it’s very, very hard to believe the one person who actually knows everything about you.
“Just a place, huh?” she muttered to herself. The house on the corner of the street had once upon a time belonged to Cal’s doctor, and more importantly Sadie, his daughter, with long dark hair and deep gray eyes and a smile that had made Cal want to move mountains.
“Just a place,” she said to herself again. Except the little school with the new playground equipment had been where she learned to read, and where, more to the point, she’d kissed her first girl. Not Sadie, unfortunately.
“For fuck’s sake.” She swerved the big bike around a turn and narrowed her eyes. Thank god she was wearing a helmet. At least no one was going to throw rotten fruit at her if they couldn’t recognize her.
Maybe it would be different if she’d been one of those ugly ducklings. The kind that develops into the gorgeous swan with the long legs and perfect hair and the kind of curves that make men drool.
Sadly, Cal was of the opinion that she’d stayed firmly in duckling stage. Still just as chubby, just as rough around the edges as she’d always been. Though, to be fair, she was more accepting of herself now than she had been when she’d lived here.
She leaned into herself now, shaving the sides of her hair, buying men’s shirts because they were more comfortable, not caring if there was oil under her fingernails. All things that would have driven her mother crazy.
Not that it took much to do that.
One more turning and she was back in the little street she’d grown up on. The street that, oddly, she’d never imagined life without until that night she’d been seventeen. It wasn’t like she’d grown up wanting to escape town. She hadn’t really considered other options existed until she’d felt that she’d had no choice.
See? She had changed. Now she’d seen places she’d never even dreamed of.
Places she might not have seen if she hadn’t been forced out.
So something good could come of things if she looked hard enough.
She drew the bike up on the other side of the street and turned to look at the house.
It hadn’t changed a bit, but then, houses didn’t really, did they? They couldn’t get smart haircuts and new clothes, the bones were always there, always the same.
Except there was no mum to open the door now.
Cal wrapped her hands tight around the bike grips.
It didn’t bother her.
Shouldn’t bother her.
They’d had no contact for so long, and had been too different long before then.
So it shouldn’t matter, should it? Her mother hadn’t existed in her world for a long, long time.
Besides which, this wasn’t her mother’s house anymore, was it? It was hers. And she had every right to stride in through thedoor like she owned the place because she did, in fact, own the place.
She flipped the visor of her helmet up, stared at the cracked blue front door. Then flipped the visor straight back down again, revved her engine and screeched out of the parking spot, driving faster than she should down the road.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t going to go back. It was just… Fuck it. Lying to herself wasn’t doing her any favors. She sighed into her helmet and watched the mist clear away from the visor. She wasn’t ready. That simple.
She would go back, she had to go back, but right now, right now all she wanted was a good meal, a drink, and a quiet place to think about all the things she should have done but didn’t, or shouldn’t have done but did, and the time to beat herself up over all of them.
The bike crunched over the gravel of the pub car park as she pulled into a space.
“BE WITH YOU in a minute, love,” said Rosalee, her hair as bright gold as always, piled even higher on top of her head than Cal remembered it. She was counting change into the till and didn’t look up until a second later.