Page 36 of Loving Jemima

If that’s where she wanted to be.

There had been something about going to that office. Something about seeing Mo and Carys and Ellie all living their lives, all being themselves, that had lit something inside Jem. It had taken a few drinks and a new club in Soho to figure out that actually, she’d been jealous. Jealous that they got to be who they wanted and she didn’t.

So perhaps getting on her father’s good side was no bad thing. Especially if she was considering … No, that was taking things too far. Maybe. Probably. She felt a bit sick as she walked up the stairs to the tiny office.

She knocked once but went in without waiting for an answer, only to find the place deserted except for Mo, who was wearing a very fetching pair of chartreuse culottes.

“I didn’t think you were supposed to be here this morning,” they said, crossing their legs.

“I’m not, I’m heading to my father’s office right now. I justneeded to stop and pick up the scarf that I left here.” She looked around, spotting the scarf tied around the handle of a filing cabinet. “It’s an Hermes,” she added by way of explanation.

“Oh, I know,” Mo said. “I’d kill for one.”

Jem shrugged. “I’ve got a couple of last year’s designs if you want one, I was going to donate them anyway.”

“Are you kidding?” Mo said, their face lighting up.

“No,” said Jem, confused as to why they might think that. She nodded toward Ellie’s desk. “No boss this morning?”

“Not yet,” said Mo, still looking like a kid at Christmas.

Jem grinned. “Big night, eh? Probably still hungover in bed.”

Mo laughed. “El? Now you really are kidding. Ellie’s idea of a big night out is reading past midnight.”

Jem crammed the scarf into her handbag. “Huh?”

“You don’t know Ellie,” explained Mo. “She comes here in the morning, goes home in the evening, feeds her cat, reads a book, goes to bed. Rinse and repeat. This place is her whole life.”

“But… what about restaurants and going out and… other things,” Jem asked, suddenly curious as to why Ellie would be alone. Curious and weirdly relieved.

“In London?” squeaked Mo. “She doesn’t have the money for that. Besides, I wasn’t kidding when I said reading was her idea of a good time. She says that her life is comfortable and that’s how she likes it.”

“I suppose there’s no accounting for taste,” said Jem, thinking that it was strange that someone as attractive as Ellie just wanted to be at home. And then thinking that the idea of Ellie all snuggled up in bed was quite… enchanting actually. “I’d better go. I’ll drop by with those scarves when I can.”

“No hurry,” Mo said, but the look on their face said different and Jem was grinning when she left the office.

IT WAS LIKE a little queer bubble, she thought as she walked to Darlington’s. A little queer bubble where everyone was happy and themselves, which was all very well and good,but occasionally they all had to leave the bubble. It was the real world that was the problem.

She checked her messages and mentally noted the parties that were happening over the next few days, automatically deciding which she wanted to show up at. She’d better remember to make a nail appointment as well.

It was all very nice living in a bubble like that, all nice and lovely and tolerant and all the rest. Except… Except what exactly? Except she didn’t deserve to have a bubble of her own?

The thought niggled her. Nagged at the back of her head. For the first time she thought she might understand why Rolly had just decided to say fuck everything and told the truth.

She’d never really thought of herself as a coward. Never really considered it. It wasn’t like she’d refused to get up on a horse, or said no to a karaoke song despite having the voice of a tone-deaf snail, or not danced on stage. But she was beginning to think that courage might take different forms.

The foyer of Darlington’s was dark, all wood and deep carpets and leather chairs. It looked the same way it had looked for the last hundred and fifty years, she supposed. At least, she’d never seen it look any different.

She didn’t bother with the reception desk, simply strode over to the lift and pressed the call button. It came after a few seconds and she stepped inside, the doors sliding almost closed before someone stuck a hand in and opened them again.

“Well, well, well,” Jasper said, smirking at her. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here. Pa hasn’t fired you yet?”

“Very funny,” said Jem, taking a step back to the rear of the cabin. Jasper’s aftershave was overpowering.

“Don’t get me wrong, sis, I’m impressed is all.”

“Right.”

---