Page 73 of Sinful Scars

I throw open the car door and empty the contents of my stomach onto the sidewalk.

My ears ring as I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand, trying to comprehend what the hell Nina just told me.

If this is in fact true, I will be the reason my own father is lying in a coffin six feet below the ground.

The thought has me retching again.

I’m a fucking monster.

“I’m no better than Igor,” I choke, leaning back against the seat and slamming the door closed.

“Lev, you’renothinglike him.”

“I’m not so sure.”

I press the palms of my hands into my eyes, gritting my teeth as I try not to explode. This would explain why Igor made me suffer the way he did for all those years. It’s likely he blamed me for what his wife did and took his rage out on an innocent child.

I have no doubt that when I came home with the blood of Andre Koslov on my hands, he triumphed in what he had done. Making me kill my own father as payment for my mother’s betrayal and taking away any last shred of humanity that I might have had.

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” My voice shakes as I try to contain my anger.

“I didn’t trust you to know.” She looks down at her lap. “I thought you were caught up in this mess with Igor and would somehow use the information against my family. I’m so sorry, Lev.”

“You were protecting your family.” I place my hands back on my thighs. “I won’t ever make you feel bad for protecting your family.”

“I shouldn’t have doubted you, but the way you pushed me out of your life… I had to be sure.”

“I understand.”

“It means I’m not your sister—” Nina’s voice breaks, and she buries her face in her hand as her body trembles as she sobs.

I reach out to clutch her shoulder, squeezing it gently.

“You will always be my sister, Nina.”

She lowers her hands and nods, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes rimmed red.

“Come back with me, Lev. We can work this out.” Her eyes well with more tears as she reaches for my hand. “You’re part of our family?—”

“They will never see me as family.” I pull away from her touch. “Igor made damn sure of that from the start.”

20

ELLE

For years, Dr. Mills’office was the only place I could find any sense of peace after suffering in silence for so long with the trauma of losing my family.

Losing my parents and brother so young left me with a wound I’m not sure will ever heal, but Dr. Mills has helped to make the pain bearable.

I used to think therapy was strange. I couldn’t imagine ever feeling comfortable enough to talk to a stranger about my problems when I couldn’t even fully open up to Lucia.

But at some point, I had to face the reality that I wasn’t going to be able to work through all my feelings on my own and somewhere along the way, Dr. Mills became someone who I could turn to when I was struggling.

While Lucia would be heartbroken to know that I’m still having nightmares regarding the fire even after all this time, I don’t want to burden her with my problems.

This is my pain, and I need to learn to deal with it.

“Hi, Elle, it’s nice to see you.” Dr. Mills appears in the waiting room.

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