I promised myself that tonight will be different.
I had a rare day off today from the hospital, and I spent most of it asleep on the couch in the hopes of staying awake tonight. But just to be sure, I went out after dinner and got myself a triple espresso to drink in bed instead of my usual chamomile tea just to be on the safe side.
I’m not normally one for caffeine after lunch time because I’m so sensitive to it, so I can pretty much guarantee that I won’t be falling asleep any time soon.
As I lie in bed, my heart starts to race in my chest, though I can’t tell if it’s from all thecaffeine or from the excitement at the prospect of seeinghim. So, I close my eyes and start to mentally recite the Russian alphabet backwards to try and calm myself down.
I’m halfway through when a noise sounds outside my window, and I freeze.
Was someone knocking into the iron railing of my fire escape?
My pulse quickens.
Is that him?
It’s possible I might be so desperate for him to appear, and so wound up from the caffeine, that I’m hallucinating.
So, I peel one eye open and glance at the window, almost crying out at the sight of a large shadow hovering outside.
It’shim.He’s here.
I hold my breath as his shadow moves outside the window. For a moment, I fear he might leave, and I almost give myself away by begging him to stay. But then his shadow shifts, and he slowly steps through the open window into my apartment.
Holy shit.
I screw my eyes shut once more and try my best to breathe slowly and deeply to feign the appearance of sleep.
For the last week, I’ve wanted nothing more than for him to sneak into my room, but now that he’s actually here, I’m overcome with panic as I realize how reckless I’ve been.
I don’t know anything about this man or what he’s capable of. He could kill me right here, right now.
Didn’t he tell me to keep my window locked? Was that his way of warning me to protect myself from him?
I frown at the thought.
None of his actions adds up to him being a true danger. After all, he could have killed me in that motel room, or thecabin, or even when he snuck in a few days ago while I was sleeping.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he chose to save my life, which means I can’t help but trust him.
Biting my lip, I peel open my eyes to find him standing in the shadows in the corner by the window.
His face is still masked by the darkness, so I can’t make out any of his features, which irritates me more than anything.
Why won’t he reveal himself?
My need for the truth is greater than the fear that has settled itself in my chest.
Who knows when I’ll get another chance like this to confront him again, so before I can talk myself out of it, I sit bolt upright in bed and catch him off guard.
He immediately backs up toward the window, clearly spooked by the fact that I’m awake, and panic floods me at the thought of him bolting.
“Don’t go.” I reach out my hand toward him.
I’m not sure if he can even see the gesture in the darkness, but he makes no further attempt to leave, which I take as a good sign.
“I…I just want to talk.”