Page 77 of The Fake Play

“That wasn’t your fault,” I cut in. “Our dad was an asshole to you, and Mom wasn’t much better.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t let me off the hook. You remember what Dr. Schneider said.”

The old woman’s voice haunts my mind as I echo her words, “Accountability is what makes a family.”

He nods. “Exactly. Not blood, not DNA, not last names. Accountability. That was always my problem. If I’d been taught to keep my anger in check, I wouldn’t have turned to every drug under the sun to do it for me. If our parents had done their jobs when I was little, it wouldn’t have been so easy to start dealing smack. That might’ve been true when I was younger, but once I became an adult, I became responsible for my own choices.”

I hadn’t seen him this raw in a long time. Maybe the prospect of impending unclehood is making him reflect.

Michael sits back and sighs. “I knew better than to drive as high as I was. I knew better yet I did it anyway. When I woke up after the accident, I knew how lucky I was to be alive but even more so, I was lucky I hadn’t taken out anyone. But most of all, I was lucky to have a little sister who talked me out of killing myself and going into rehab instead.”

I gulp, trying not to cry at the memories. Even with everything in disarray, it pales in comparison to getting that phone call and seeing our mother crumble to the floor in anguish. He was in a coma, and his brain was swelling. For three days, we didn’t know if he’d live, and if he did, whether or not he’d still be the Michael we knew.

Unfortunately, his dealer friends started coming around after he woke up. We tried to get the hospital to prevent them from coming in, but Michael was a legal adult so it was his decision. Mom and I were there as often as we could be to keep them away. For a while, anyway. But eventually, it became too hard on her, and she bailed. I told her she either got both of us or neither of us.

She chose neither.

She didn’t want to hear anything about him, about me, or anything familial. Told me to stop updating her, that she no longer had children. I was sixteen when I lost my mom to her inability to love us as we were.

I stayed with him after school every day, but on a random half-day, I’d get to the hospital early. On one of those random days, he had a friend with him who ran deliveries, and they were ready to shoot up into oblivion. I grabbed his friend by the neck and shoved that asshole out of the room, but when I came back, the needle was already in Michael’s arm.

It was the second worst day of my life, after the day we found out about his accident. By the time that day rolled around, he still had his muscles, but he had no speed or strength in them after a month of nothing but IV’s and inactivity. That made it easier for me to yank the needle out of his arm fast enough before he could stop me.

Right then and there, I knew what I had to do.

It wasn’t pretty.

I took the syringe, aimed the needle at my vein, and asked him where it was supposed to go. I’d never seen him more scared but that was what it had come to. He was all I had left in the world. I told him either I started his hobby and we went out together, or he went to rehab. To my knowledge, he never used again.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You did everything, Keke. You saved my life.”

“No, I?—”

“Stop it. You know you did.” He looks away. “I know I said what I said about this job being your last chance as far as jobs went, and what I said about Whitney… but the truth is, Keke, if you need anything, I’ve got you. Luke isn’t your only option here.”

“What are you saying?”

He locks eyes with me. “You and the baby can live here. Or, if you decide not to keep it, you can still live here. You don’t have to work, you don’t have to?—”

“That’s crazy.”

He laughs. “Look, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and like I said, I owe you my life. If you don’t want to stay with Luke, or if you just want to date him for a while to figure things out, you don’t have to stay at his place. You’re more than welcome here.”

I break into sobs again, unable to control myself. He comes over and rubs my back to calm me down while I lose my shit for a while. It feels weird to even think about moving out of Luke’s place. It’d be like leaving my home. As scared as I am about everything, Luke is now a part of me in a way I can’t explain.

Once I calm down, Michael brings me a bottle of water and a box of tissues. “Does this mean you’re moving in?”

I shake my head. “The offer is appreciated, but I still have my old place. I wouldn’t want to encroach on your wild bachelor life.”

He smirks at that. “Yeah, real wild. I’ve read a book a day for the past year. I have abs again. I take a cooking class three times a week. My social life consists of weekly poker with my friends.”

“You say that like I should understand what you mean by it, but honestly, my brain isn’t working. Spell it out for me.”

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