Page 38 of The Last Trip

“No,” I cut her off. “I mean, yes, you’re probably right, you shouldn’t have, but…” I touch my lips, the lingering feeling of hers still on my skin. “It’s okay. I…I liked it.”

She smiles. “I’ve never done that before.”

“Me either,” I admit.

“We probably shouldn’t do it again.”

“Probably not.”

She smiles again. “But I kind of want to.”

“Me too.” My throat is dry as her hand skates up the flesh of my arm.

“Can I walk you to your car?”

I know what she’s really asking. I know that if she walks me to my car, it’ll happen again. That it might never stop happening. That this might be both the beginning of something amazing and the end of everything I knew. I know I should tell her no until I talk to Cal. And still, I hear myself saying, “Yes.”

As I walk into her class the next day, a tablespoon of worry sits in the deepest part of my gut. I’m not sure what I’m worried about, though—that she’ll regret what happened, that I’ll regret it somehow, or that I might be ruining what I have with Cal.

The truth is, I like them both. Cal has been kind to me. He’s charming and charismatic and smart. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of in a partner.

But Ellie is…Ellie. She listens to me. She gets me in a way I’ve never really been understood before. She’s funny and beautiful, and I relate to her on a deeper level than I do Cal. It’s just a fact.

As I find my way to my bike, I’m holding my breath. She’s up near the front chatting with a few of the other women, and I wonder if maybe we’ll just pretend the whole thing never happened. Maybe coming back here was a mistake.

Then, like a magnet, her eyes find mine. I can’t look away as she excuses herself and slips away from the women, her smile lighting up the room.

She’s effortlessly confident in a way that will forever make me jealous. As she moves toward me, my heart swells, and I wait for her to look away or seem nervous at all, but there’s no hint of it.

She stops next to my bike, her lips curving into a bright smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” My voice is breathless and whiny. I’m nervous. I’m so incredibly nervous.

“I, um, I didn’t know if you’d come back.”

I take a sip of my water for something to do. Something to fill the awkward air. “I didn’t know if I would either,” I finally admit.

She bounces up on her tiptoes. “I’m really glad you did.” For the first time, she looks almost as nervous as I feel, all the confidence I saw moments ago wiped away.

I can’t fight the grin. “I am too.”

Her gaze trails down my body. “You look great, by the way. I love those leggings.”

“Thanks.” I shrug. “They’re from Target.”

She chews her bottom lip. “So, listen, I was wondering if you wanted to go out again after this.” I hesitate, and she adds, “I know things are complicated, and you’re dating someone, and I’m married, so all of this is very wrong, but…” She tucks a loose piece of blonde hair behind her ear. “I haven’t been happy in my marriage in a long time. I think you know that. I don’t want to bring you in the middle of my drama, but I’m going to leave him.”

Every muscle in my chest tightens.

“I decided it before I got to know you, but it’s taken some time to say it out loud, even to myself.” She shakes her head. “I know it’s weird timing, and you can totally say no, and we can still be friends—or not, if that’s not cool with you—but I’d really hate to miss out on whatever this is.”

Still, I don’t say anything. I can’t. It’s as if my brain has short-circuited. Yesterday, what we did was wrong. I know that. But I thought it was forbidden. An affair. Something hot and illicit that we’d both forget about in a week or two. Today she’s telling me it could be real. Thatwecould be real if I want this.

My throat is suddenly too dry. I gulp down water as the music from the front of the class starts, telling us it’s time for our workout to begin.

When I close my water bottle, she’s still waiting, patient as ever. “You can take some time to think about it, if you need to.”

I nearly nod. Every muscle in my neck contracts to get ready for it, but instead, I reach for her hand to stop her from walkingaway. “I don’t need to think,” I say finally. Her eyes widen as I drop her hand. “I don’t know what this is either, or if it will amount to anything, but I want to find out, too.”

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