Page 75 of The Only Time

“Talk to us. I know we mess with you and all, but we’re worried. We know you cared for her, so something happened that made you panic. Tell us what it was.”

For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like hiding behind my wall. I’m so confused and torn up about what I want that I just decide to talk. I tell them about how I was already pissed at work because I couldn’t focus. Then I come home and she’soffering a plan for me to quit my job. I realize through my rambling just how much I’ve hidden from them because they don’t even know about my hobby.

So, I just keep talking. I admit the real reason Kim and I didn’t work out. How Mia triggered that fear in me again. So, when she came to me to tell me she could leave, I was already flooded with fear and anger. I tell them that woodworking became my therapy afterwards and has remained the only place that I feel like myself.

Then I admit how I lashed out at Mia and let her walk away in tears.

“Fuck, I’m sorry we didn’t’ know about any of this. I can’t believe that’s how you and Kim ended, and you never told us,” Asher says as he runs a hand through his hair. “We could’ve been here to support you.”

My eyes look down at a spot on my counter, too embarrassed to make eye contact. “I was humiliated. How could I come to you and tell you she left me because I’m not good enough?”

With my elbows on the counter, I lean my head down as tears threaten to spill over. I can’t cry in front of my brothers. That would just add to my humiliation.

“Hey, look at me,” Asher demands.

He’s my older brother and knows when to take control, and right now he’s demanding my full attention. Being the younger one and falling into my role, I obey his command.

I look up through the blur of my tears.

“Kim’s greedy desire for more has nothing to do with you being good enough. You were too good for her, and I’m fucking thankful you didn’t ruin your life by marrying her. I don’t want to hear any of this shit about you not being good enough. You hear me?”

Liam nods along in agreement, but lets our older brother take the reins. I find myself nodding too, letting him know that I hear him.

“I’m sorry we didn’t force this out of you earlier. It’s my fault for letting you get away with hiding from us. I should’ve done better,” Asher says with a look of guilt on his face.

“It’s not your fault. I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”

“No, I could have made you,” he says, and I smirk because he’s right. He has a way of turning on the older brother role and putting me in my place. But it doesn’t matter.

“There’s no point in dwelling about the past, right?” I say.

“How do you feel about how you left things with Mia?” Liam asks, knowing that’s a loaded question. I suppose that’s the point, he wants me to keep talking.

“I feel like the biggest piece of shit that’s ever lived.”

“Good. That’s a start,” Asher replies.

I raise an eyebrow at him, not sure what the hell that means. Has he now switched directions to calling me a piece of shit?

“I’m not going to make excuses for treating the woman you love like shit,” he explains.

My eyes open wide at his choice of words. I lean forward. “I’m sorry. The woman I love?” I question.

“Yes, you idiot. The woman you are so obviously in love with.”

“What makes you think I’m in love with her?”

That gets a laugh from Liam and Asher. I’m not sure why we are all of a sudden laughing at me. “Because I know you. You were finally smiling again. You were crazy protective of her safety, calling us over and barking orders to make sure every inch of this property was covered with surveillance. You think you’d do that for someone you just kind of liked? You think all of these emotions would come flooding to the surface for a woman you don’t really care about?” Asher asks as he raises his eyebrows at me.

“I don’t know if I’d call it love. I mean yes, I care about her. But love in that short of time? We barely know each other.”

“It sounds to me like she knows you better than we do at this point,” Liam points out. “And I know I’m no expert on love, but I don’t think it follows a timetable.”

“Either way. Love or not. I completely screwed it up with her.”

“Are you saying you are giving up?” Asher asks.

“No, I’m not giving up. It’s not like there was ever going to be any real possibility of the two of us. Her life is in Cleveland, my life is here. She runs a successful business and probably wants nothing to do with someone like me.”

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