Page 87 of The First Time

I’m not sure if I’ll always struggle with these insecurities. It’s been a part of me since I was a child, and childhood trauma is real and lasting. But what I do know is that I don’t want it to get in the way of the one person in my life that makes me feel whole.

Layla has made a mark on me from the moment she came into my life. Even when she was an innocent seventeen-year-old, I felt the pull immediately.

“Hey guys,” I shout to my team as I come around the corner. “Why don’t you go take your lunch now? I think we’re at a good stopping point.”

One of the guys places their tool down. “Not gonna say no to that, boss. Let’s go, guys.”

I walk around the lobby of the office that we’re renovating. Asher started the company for residential construction, but my passion has always been in larger commercial work. He let me take this job on as a guinea pig to see how it goes.

We just gutted the entire lobby to the bare bones. This week, we will start installing the marble floors, which should be delivered this evening.

Now that I think about it, I want to make sure that delivery is on schedule. I don’t want anything slowing us down. I pull out my phone and walk outside to dial the distributor’s number when I see Asher walking towards the building.

He is approaching briskly, steps long and determined. As he draws near, I notice his clenched fists. His furrowed brows, narrowed eyes, and tightly pressed lips are unmistakable. With each step, there’s a resonating tension that thickens as the gap between us diminishes.

Before I can brace myself, his hands land on my chest, roughly shoving me to the ground.

Instinct has me up on my feet quickly, hands in the air to try and defuse the situation.

“What the heck was that for?” I ask as I back away.

He takes another step closer. “You leave my sister stranded for a fucking pity party. I told you I give you my blessing to date her, but just don’t hurt her. Here we are, one week in, and you made her cry.”

My heart nearly stops in my chest. “She was crying?”

“Of course, she was crying. You stormed away, then left her humiliated and alone in the driveway with no idea where you were or if you were coming back. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t punch you square in the face right now.”

I run my hand through my hair. Fuck, I can’t believe she was crying.

“Shit,” I mutter to myself, then turn to Asher. “I’m sorry, man. I know I fucked up. I called her that night and apologized. I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure out how to make it up to her.”

“What the hell is going on with you? You’re normally the easy-going guy in the room. This isn’t like you.”

My shoulders rise with my breath, then fall as I exhale my frustrations. “It’s—fuck—it’s a long story.”

Asher crosses his arms across his chest like he isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. He looks around at the building. “I’ve got all the time in the world. Why don’t we go inside out of this heat where you can tell me what the hell is going on.”

I nod my head in agreement and lead the way inside. There aren’t really any official places to sit, but I take a seat down on some boxes, motioning for him to sit on the other stack across from me.

My elbows rest on my knees as I clasp my hands together. I’m racking my brain, trying to figure out where the hell to start. My eyes focus on a particular paint stain on the ground.

“Did Layla ever tell you that we had a little thing when I first moved here?”

The silence grows as I wait for him to respond. I look up and see his eyes boring into mine.

“You mean my sister, who was in high school, and you, a recent college fucking graduate?”

I’m so sick of feeling ashamed of my feelings for her. It’s a five fucking year age gap. I’m not a monster, and I am done apologizing for my feelings.

“Yes, your seventeen-year-old sister. She was seventeen, and I was twenty-two. If you want to do the math, that’s five years. That’s nothing. But if you must know, we only kissed at that time.”

His shoulders seem to relax a bit at my admission.

“Anyway, there was just this instant chemistry that we shared from the moment I locked eyes on her. I tried to ignore it. I knew you’d kill me. I knew your father would dig the grave for you.”

The corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly, betraying his effort to maintain a composed facade.

I continue. “But one night at your parents’ house, after everyone went to bed, we spent hours talking outside. One thing led to another, and we kissed. I want to tell you that I felt sorry about it, but that would be a lie. It was perfect. It only confirmed to me that there was something deep between us because that kiss changed my life. I knew right then, and there I would never find someone that held a candle to Layla.”

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