Page 86 of The First Time

“Do they hate me?”

“Asher’s not pleased,” I admit.

“I deserve it. That wasn’t fair to you. I was just so angry.”

“At me? Is that why you left?” I ask, my voice fragile.

There’s a long pause on the line. It makes my stomach ache with dread as I wait for his response.

“I was mad at everyone. Mad at your parents for thinking someone like William would be a good match for their daughter. Mad at William for playing me like that again. Mad at you for not standing up for me.”

I knew it. He is mad at me. I should’ve said something.

“I’m sorry, Josh. I’m not good in those situations. I don’t know what to say to my parents, and I don’t want to be rude to my dad’s clients,” I cry. “But you didn’t have to leave me. I don’t understand that reaction. It was childish.”

He sighs. “It was completely out of line. You’re right. The person I’m mad at most is myself. I reacted just as William wanted me to.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. He just winked at me a couple of times, knowing exactly what it was doing to me. He wanted to get under my skin, and I let him.”

William really needs a kick to the groin. Someone needs to put him in his place.

“I’m sorry he did that to you. It was totally uncalled for.”

I can’t believe this is how the evening turned out. I was so excited this morning to tell my parents. I’ve finally found someone that I love. Someone that I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.

“Do you want to come over?” I ask, needing to feel his arms around me. I don’t want to go to bed alone after our first fight.

There’s this hollow feeling inside of me that only he can fill.

“I think I’m just gonna crash here. I’m exhausted. And about how I acted tonight, Freckles. You deserved better, and I fucked up.”

“Oh, um, okay. I forgive you. It was a shitty situation all around.”

“I’ll call you later. Alright?”

That doesn’t sound promising. Call me later, not see me later. Nothing about this feels right, but I’m too scared to press him on it.

“Ok,” I whisper, trying to hold in my tears.

“Goodnight,” he says.

“Goodnight.”

I hang up the phone, and the last fragments of my composure are swept away. I slide down my pillow as my breath hitches in my throat. Tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision. For a moment, I try to blink them away, but the effort is futile.

Then, like a dam breaking, sobs wrack my body as I bury my face in my pillow. The room around me fades as I lie alone while my thoughts spiral.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Josh

I was looking forward to work today. After spending all of my Sunday moping around my house feeling sorry for myself, I knew I needed to get out of there and keep my mind occupied.

That’s the thing about love, right? It’ll make your highs high, but damn does it make your lows low.

I know I fucked up the other night. I let someone small and insignificant get in my head and play on my weakness.

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