Page 91 of The First Time

“Me too, honey.”

“There’s more about William you should know about, but to tell you, I first have to let you know something.” I pause for a moment. “Josh and I are dating.”

Her eyes widen in surprise. “You and Josh?”

“Yeah, it happened in Italy. But to be honest, there was something there ever since we met.”

“Really?” she pauses. “Huh, I can see that. He has always been so sweet to you.”

“So, you aren’t mad about it?”

Her hand goes to her heart. “Why in the world would I be mad about it? He’s a wonderful man.”

That makes me smile. “He is. But Josh has some deep insecurities that stem from his upbringing. He always thought you and Dad wouldn’t think he was good enough for me.”

“That’s not true. We’ve never talked about Josh like that. He’s always been like a son to us.”

“Well, when you guys try to set me up with William constantly in front of him, it doesn’t help his insecurities. We were going to tell you and Dad about us at the barbeque.”

I see the moment she realizes the situation. “Oh, I see. You guys were ready to tell us and here I am chattering away about how wonderful William is.”

She looks disappointed with herself, but I realize it was all done innocently. “Yeah. But William has been getting in Josh’s head for years.”

I tell her all about what happened years ago, and how he got in Josh’s head at the barbeque.

Mom gasps in horror. “I had no idea William was like that. Although, if I’m being honest, I’m not all that surprised. The apple doesn’t fall from the tree. Your father can’t stand doing business with his father. Those are just relationships he maintains strictly for business purposes.”

“Well, going forward, can we just agree not to ever bring William up? I’m not sure where this thing with Josh is going.” I decide to leave out that he’s been acting weird since the barbeque. I don’t even want to think about it because I’ll just break out in tears again. “But he needs to know that you guys support this. It means a lot to me, Mom. He means a lot to me.”

So much for trying to hold back my tears. They come in like a dam breaking. My chest vibrates with the rush of emotions bubbling to the surface. My face falls into my hands. I feel the warmth of her arms engulf me in a hug, and I cry harder.

I needed this. The ability to heal this with my mom, to feel her support and know that she’s on my side.

“I hope you know you can tell me anything going forward,” she says softly. “And I support you and Josh one hundred percent. I’m sorry I ever made you or him doubt that I would.”

“Thanks. We’ll see if we’re even together by the end of the week,” I mutter. So much for not telling her.

“Why would you not be together?”

After running through the events of Saturday night, how he left me, how he’s been behaving since, she purses her lips for a moment.

I don’t want to put Josh in a bad light, but if I’m going to heal this relationship with my mom, I think it starts with being able to confide in her.

“Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about men in my sixty years, it’s that they are not always the best at dealing with their feelings. Give him some time. What really matters is what he does with his feelings. Does he let this continue or does he learn and grow from it? Pay attention to that. We aren’t always perfect, and we do deserve grace, but we must show that we are willing to accept fault and be better.”

“Wow,” I whisper. “That’s very insightful. But,” I begin as my lower lip trembles, “what if he doesn’t learn from this?”

“Love is a gamble, sweetie. You have to look at the hand in front of you and decide whether you want to fold or keep going. But I don’t think Josh will let you down. If he feels about you the way he has claimed, he’ll come around.”

I wish I felt better, but I suspect I’ll be on edge until I can see Josh again. I’m not above showing up at his door and forcing him to talk to me. If I don’t see him by this weekend, that may just be what I do.

As I drive away from my parents’ house, I know I’m no closer to knowing where I stand with Josh, but I have mended my relationship with my mom. I pick up the phone to call Charlotte and fill her in.

Chapter Thirty-One

Josh

Okay, you can do this. Just be polite, but firm.

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