Page 57 of The First Time

He walks into his bathroom and comes out with a comb. He sits on his bed and pats the spot right in front of him.

“What? You want me to sit there?”

He cracks a smile. “Yes, Freckles. I’m gonna comb your hair for you. Sit down. Relax.”

I bite my lip as I crawl onto the bed and take a seat in front of him. He starts to run the comb through my hair tenderly, taking his time with each section. I close my eyes and enjoy the care and attention.

“When’s the last time you’ve been home?” I find myself asking, not sure where the question came from.

“Shit, I don’t know. Five years.”

“Five years? That’s a long time. Do you talk to your parents on the phone?”

I knew he wasn’t super close with his parents, but five years is a long time.

“I’ll occasionally talk to them on the phone. Maybe once or twice a year.”

“They don’t call more often or ask you to visit?”

“Nah, they aren’t really interested in what I’m doing. They were pretty absent parents. They did just enough work to keep us out of poverty. I guess I’m not much better than them, huh? Not compared to what your family has accomplished.”

I turn my head and see the pain in his eyes. He actually believes what he just said. I don’t know his parents, but I know he is nothing like the people he’s describing.

“Josh, you know there’s no way you’re like them,” I say as I turn around so I’m facing him.

He chuckles. “How do you know, Freckles?”

“Because you trust people. You are like a second brother to Asher. Hell, even to Liam and Eric. You’re a hard worker and have made a great living for yourself.”

“It’s not that impressive when it’s your best friend who’s employing you.”

“Stop that,” I push his chest slightly. “That’s not why Asher has you as basically his co-owner. You know that man doesn’t trust easily; his company is his baby, and he wouldn’t put you in charge of so much if he didn’t trust you completely. He does it because you are talented and trustworthy. You’re kind and hardworking.”

He looks up at me shyly. “You really think that?”

It breaks my heart that he doesn’t know this about himself. “I know that. I may have hated you for ten years for breaking myheart, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t see how much his company thrived once he got you on board.”

I realize I may have spoken too freely. I didn’t mean to confess all of that.

“I broke your heart?” he whispers.

My head falls to the side. “Come on, Josh. You know you did. I was seventeen and completely in love with you. I thought we shared something special that night. I thought we were more than what we were. I didn’t realize it was nothing to you. Not until I saw you with that other girl the next night.”

My eyes water as I recall the events of the night. How excited I was to see him across the room. My stomach was in knots, my heart was beating erratically. I didn’t think we would be going public with our relationship yet, but I figured he would at least smile when he saw me. Maybe walk up to me and tell me to meet him somewhere private.

I never expected him to look right through me then grab her hand and turn his head away.

“I didn’t know you cared that much. I know what I did was wrong, and I’ve regretted it every second of every day, but I thought it just pissed you off more than hurt you. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

A tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. “Why’d you do it?” I whisper.

He sighs. “I’ve debated on how honest I wanted to be with you about what happened that night. But I don’t want to start this with you with anything but complete honesty. I had already been scared about what people would think. You were only seventeen, I was twenty-three. I know it was only a kiss, and Iwould have waited for you to turn eighteen, but it still left me terrified that your family would hate me.”

He pulls at the back of his neck as he continues. “I was just out of college, had student loan debt, a crappy job, and no sense of direction. You were used to a certain lifestyle that your father was able to provide for you. I didn’t think your family would think I was good enough for you.” He laughs, “I still think they won’t find I’m good enough for you.”

He looks up at me. “I was still willing to risk it all for you, but that night, William was at the party. I don’t know how he knew about us. Maybe it was a coincidence, or he sensed it., but he pulled me aside. He told me if I ever pursued you, he would use his father’s money, which he informed me there was an abundance of, and he would take me to jail for being with a minor. He threatened to have his father quit doing business with your family. Then he proceeded to tell me exactly what I had been worried about all along, that I would never be able to provide for you the way he could.”

I’m stunned as I listen to his words. My body feels like it’s in a state of shock, unable to move. He’s kept this in for ten years, and I’ve hated him for all of that time. The story I told myself about him was that he was a player who stomped on my heart without a care in the world.

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