Page 24 of The First Time

“So, I had a couple of beers that night. I was really loose and relaxed. Everybody went inside to get some food, and I didn’t feel like it. I told them I’d wait until they came back. So, I leaned back and propped my feet out of the tub. I didn’t realize it was going to line one of the jets right up against me. I’m guessing you can see where I’m going with this.”

Josh’s elbows are on the table, a hand covering his mouth while his eyes are practically bulging out of the sockets. He’s silent as he just stares at me.

“Josh. Say something.”

He takes a deep breath and lets his hand fall from his face. “So, your first orgasm was with the jet of a hot tub?”

I scoff. “Well, it wasn’t on purpose! I was sixteen. Give me a break!”

“It wasn’t on purpose?” he asks with an eyebrow raised. “You mean you didn’t keep your pussy there in front of the jet because it felt good, and you wanted to see what happened? You wanted to chase that feeling until you came.”

Why does it sound so damn dirty and yet, hot when he says it? I’m suddenly extremely aware of the temperature.

I reach for my shot to try to ease the ache between my legs. It’s not fair that he got to release his pent-up sexual tension this morning, and I’m sitting here suffering in silence. Men can be more vocal about getting aroused, whereas women have to hide it, or they come off as wild or promiscuous.

“Ok, fine,” I admit. “I could’ve pulled away. Now you know my first orgasm. Are you happy?”

“There are a lot of words to describe what I’m feeling right now.”

I suddenly want to change the direction of this conversation. I don’t know where this question comes from. It’s probably the wine and shots going to my head.

“Moving on. I have my last question.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you regret kissing me?”

I hold my breath, terrified of finally learning what I’ve feared all along. His actions certainly indicated it was all a mistake, buthearing the words will solidify it for me. I don’t know why I live to torture myself like this.

I can see it in the way he’s looking at me. Pure shock and disbelief. He can’t believe I’m rehashing this shit either.

Maybe I should take it back. Ask another question. I suddenly don’t think I can stand to hear the words out loud anymore.

“Freckles,” he whispers. “There are things I’ve done in my life that I regret, but kissing you is not one of them. Kissing you was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. It changed me forever.”

Tears well up in my eyes. I do my best to blink them away, not wanting him to see the effects his words have on me. I watch on as people dance and laugh all around us, speaking in their beautiful language.

“Look at me, Freckles. Tell me you understand what I’m saying. There is nothing about our kiss, about that evening, that I regret. I’m sorry that I’ve made you think differently. It’s…complicated.”

I smile through my tears. I don’t think I’m ready to dive into what happened all those years ago. Right now, I think I just want to stay in this moment where I know he doesn’t regret that night.

“Take your shot,” I say softly with a smile.

He takes it, then stands up and walks up to me, holding his hand out. I give him a questioning look in response.

“Let’s dance,” he says insistently. “Come on. Tonight was supposed to be fun. I believe I’ve watched you over the years in bars. I know you want to let loose over there.”

After a deep breath, I place my hand in his. He gives a reassuring squeeze, and it goes straight to my chest. The electricity between us from a simple touch of the hand is startling.

He brings me over to the cobblestone street where others are dancing and twirls me around. A smile instantly spreads across my face. Then he surprises me by pulling me all the way against his hard body, wrapping his arm around my waist.

The alcohol is pumping through my veins, clouding my judgment, making it hard for me to remember why being with him is a bad idea.

We start to sway to the music, our breaths mixing together. The entire world around us fades away, and it’s just me and him together in this moment.

His other hand lands on my hip, and I feel his fingers grip me as he tries to pull me closer.

I smile. “I don’t think I can get any closer.”

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