Truth is, I’m terrified—of many things. Terrified of getting hurt, terrified of losing her, terrified that I’m not enough for her.
But I’m also terrified that if we have a fight, it’ll ruin any chance of her deciding to stay in Isle of Hope.
I had to admit that there’s a part of me that wishes that when summer is over, she’ll decide on her own to stay here.
And that thought, that desire, is lethal. It could take me down despite my efforts to remain neutral in this relationship we’ve built.
After I’ve read Brie her bedtime story, I kiss her forehead and wish her goodnight.
When I emerge into the living room, Charlotte isn’t there. I smile. She better be in my bedroom, ready for me to take her.
But when I find her in my bedroom, my body goes rigid.
“What the hell are you doing?” my voice cuts into the silence.
She looks up with wide eyes.
“What’s this?” she whispers.
“That’s what you’re gonna do? You’re gonna ask me questions about my personal shit that you have no right going through.”
I step closer, trying to control my fury.
“I didn’t mean to. I was reaching for a towel in your linen closet, and this box fell down. What are all of these phone records and bank records? Were you spying on your wife? Did she do something?”
“Charlotte, that’s none of your business.”
She stands up and takes a step toward me.
I back away, like that’s going to protect me from her onslaught of questions.
“Why won’t you talk to me? Something happened between you two, something bigger than her sudden passing. Layla thinks that…”
“I don’t give a damn what Layla or anybody else thinks. Why won’t you just let this go?” I beg through clenched teeth.
“Because whatever happened is stopping you from healing, from moving on. From trusting others. You said it yourself the other night. You don’t trust anybody. That’s no way to live your life.”
I can’t believe she is still pushing. Can’t she see what it’s doing to me?
“I don’t need to trust people. What I need is to protect my daughter, and that’s what I’m doing,” I reply sharply.
“Protect her from what? Burying secrets and hiding from your pain is not protecting anybody.”
I begin to pace back and forth as my temper flares.
“Why should I tell you anyway? You’re leaving in a couple weeks.”
She looks shocked by my harsh assault on her. “I still care about you. I thought we were at least on the same page. I thought we meant something to each other.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I change course, desperately trying to end this attack on my personal life. “Just forget I said anything.”
“Asher, you can’t hide away from this.”
“I can do whatever the hell I want,” I quip back.
She doesn’t understand. I can’t dredge this back up. I have my reasons, and no one else needs to know what they are.
“Yes, youcando whatever the hell you want. But I’m not going to stick around and let my heart get stomped on. I opened up to you, I cried in your arms. I let you take care of me. If you can’t do the same, then…”