Page 102 of The Last Time

“Well, I’m glad he was there with you.”

“Mmhmm,” she grumbles.

I get this odd feeling that something happened between Josh and Layla that night. She’s acting weird about it. Did they get in an even bigger blowout than just their normal bickering?

I’m gonna have to address their stupidity at another time when I’ve dealt with my own.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we all lived in a world where we weren’t scared shitless to feel our feelings?

2 months later

“It’s nice to see you again, Asher,” Irene says from her seat.

“Nice to see you, too,” I reply as I take my own.

“How was your week?” she asks.

“Well,” I take a breath. “I took the boat out again.”

“Good for you. That’s been several weeks in a row. I’m glad you’re getting out there and enjoying yourself.”

“Yeah. I took my whole family on the boat this time.”

“That’s a big step. What? You seem uncomfortable about something?”

“I haven’t been honest about something this entire time,” I finally admit.

She sits up straighter. “I’m listening.”

“Each time I go, I take the boat passed Charlotte’s house. Sometimes she’s on the dock and just the sight of her calms me. When I dropped my family off after the boat ride, I asked my sister to take Brie back to my place while I ran a few errands.” My hands grip each other as I continue. “But I lied. I wanted to take the boat by her place to see if she was there.”

Irene gives me a small smile. “That seems to be something that was weighing on you.”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I guess I felt guilty for leaving it out. Also, maybe guilty for doing it. It feels like stalking.”

“I don’t think I would qualify that as stalking.”

“It sure feels like it.”

“Why do you think you do it?”

“Because I miss her. I love her, and I just like to see her happy. She just sits there with her drink and smiles out at the water. It makes me smile. I remember she used to sit on the edge of that dock with her dad all the time, and I’d see her when I was on my father’s boat. I just know how much that place means to her, and I like sharing it with her. Even if just from a distance, it makes me feel close to her.”

“You’ve made a lot of progress since we first started. Do you feel like you’re ready to talk to her about everything?”

“Do you think I’m ready?” I ask hopefully.

She chuckles. “I asked you first. I want you to tell me what you think.”

Sometimes this therapy shit is annoying. They always want to know what I think or what I feel when I’d really like her to tell me what the answer is.

“I…” I stop as I try to formulate an answer. “I want to be ready. I think I’ve come a long way, and I know I’m in a better spot. It doesn’t scare me anymore to open up to her. But I’m anxious. Sometimes I worry that I’m too anxious to open up.”

She nods her head as I speak. “You have come a long way. I can sense that you worry that approaching too soon could ruin things, but I think you’re ready. If the idea of opening up to her doesn’t scare you, that is exactly what you said you wanted to get out of these sessions.”

“It is?” I ask, not quite remembering our first session. I saw her three times a week for the first couple of weeks, but that was two months ago.

“Yes. I wrote it down. I asked you what you wanted to get out of my sessions, and you said you wanted the idea of sharing your deepest feelings with the woman you love, not to terrify you.”

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