Page 85 of The Last Time

I look at the amount of chipped paint that the power wash got off. “Wow. I can’t believe it. I can’t tell whether it looks better with all of the peeling paint off or worse.”

Josh chuckles. “It’ll look awesome when it’s done. Especially with the trim being touched up as well. Like a brand new home.”

I smile as I try to picture what it will look like being restored to its original beauty. I think my dad would be happy to see it restored. I think he’d be proud.

Maybe that’s why he left me the house. Maybe it meant a lot to him, too, and he wanted it to go to someone who would take care of it.

I look back at Josh, who seems to be pondering something. “So, I have to ask,” he begins. “What’s going on with you and Asher?”

I tilt my head to the side. “What makes you think something is going on?”

I never was good at lying. He hits me with a knowing look.

“Come on, Charlotte. He is back to being in a piss mood all the time. Worse this time. He calls me over here to handle the rest of this project when we both know something was going on between you two. He won’t talk about it…and I’m done trying to get it out of him. It just makes him even more cranky.”

“It just wasn’t going to work between the two of us,” I admit, even though the words taste sour in my mouth.

“That’s a vague answer.”

“He’s just…” I stumble on my words, not sure what I should let out.

“Difficult,” he suggests.

“Yes.” I smile. “He has some things to work on before he is ready for a relationship.”

“Look…we all know he hasn’t dealt with some shit since Lauren passed, but don’t give up on him. I know he’s crazy about you. You’re the motivation he needs to work through it all.”

I shrug. “I don’t know if my heart can handle it.”

He lets out a loud sigh. “I understand. Just maybe try to be patient. I’m going to keep pushing him to get some help. He needs it.”

“He didn’t show any interest in getting help when I suggested it.”

“He’s scared. I know that deep down, he wants to be free of all of this.”

“You’re a good friend,” I tell him, but feeling like I want out of this conversation. “Care to tell me why it is that Layla hates you so much?”

He scratches the back of his head. “Alright, you win. New subject.”

I smile victoriously.

After Josh leaves, I go back to the back deck and stare up at the house. I close my eyes and try to picture what it will look like.

An image of my dad and I walking around the house and planting flowers comes to mind.

“Just like this, sweetie,” he would say. “Don’t be afraid to get her hands dirty.”

We would dig the holes and plant the summer flowers all along the house.

“Your mom’s back is hurting, but I promised her I would keep our home beautiful for her this year.”

I open my eyes as I try to bite back the tears threatening to consume me. There are so many wonderful memories here with him. Memories that I’ve been trying to ignore since I’ve been here.

I think about him having depression but being too stubborn and proud to get help. The similarity to Asher is not lost on me.

If Asher has even the slightest chance with me, he needs to get help.

My dad should have gotten help for the sake of his family. But I also feel bad for him. I feel bad that he grew up in a time that wasn’t kind to mental illness, particularly men with mental illness.

---