Page 100 of The Last Time

I shake my head. “Never.”

“Well, remind me never to piss you off.”

I chuckle. “You’ve already done it plenty of times.”

“True. I guess I’m just lucky you’ve spared me.”

He places the ice, and I grit my teeth, waiting for the initial pain to subside. I can’t think straight when the pain is throbbing so intensely on my hand.

“I went to Lauren’s grave for the first time,” he blurts out.

I think it’s in an effort to distract me, and it works.

“What?” I choke out through the pain.

“I told you I’m trying to navigate this mess of a life I’m living. I thought the first step was to finally make it to her grave. She was my wife, the mother of my child, and I hadn’t been there since the day we lowered her into the ground.” He laughs bitterly. “I’m sure that makes me an asshole.”

I feel for him. What a tough situation to be put in. He looks at me with pleading eyes.

“Not an asshole. You were hurt by someone you trusted. You needed time.”

He sighs. “I yelled at her. I showed up at her grave for the first time in years and yelled at her.”

“You needed to get it out. You’ve been put in an impossible situation. Nothing you say or do makes you a bad person. You need to give yourself a break while you navigate this.”

“Thanks, Charlotte,” he says weakly. “I don’t deserve your kindness right now. I’m so sorry for how I reacted the last time we were together. You found the research I had done when I found the text messages between Lauren and Paul. I had become obsessed for a while, going through bank statements and anything I could get my hands on. I just wanted it to be stuffed in a box and to go away without dealing with it, and I took it out on you.”

“I forgive you. There’s no need to rehash it right now.”

My hand is finally starting to go numb again, giving me the much-needed relief from the pain. Although, the pain of the man I love sitting in front of me and not being able to touch him, to kiss him, is a pain that’s a thousand times more difficult to bear.

I look away from him as I will myself not to cry.

“I’m serious what I said,” he tells me. “I want to become the man that can deserve your love. Because I do love you.”

A sob escapes me instantly hearing him say those words. I can’t look at him.

“Please, don’t say that. I can’t—I can’t hear it right now. Please,” I beg. “I just need space. I do hope you can find peace with everything—you deserve it. But if I wait around for it to happen, and something gets in the way, I just won’t survive it. So, for right now, it just needs to be goodbye.”

I still can’t look at him, but the shift of energy in the room is evident. I feel his eyes on me as I look down at my hands, tears running down my cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I’ll,” he cuts off as I hear his own tears break free, “I’ll let myself out.”

He gets up off the couch. The further he goes, the more desperate I feel to beg him to stay. It’s a battle between my brain and my heart. My body wants to listen to my heart, which is telling me to go after him, to ask him to stay with me.

I can’t get those words out because, although I love him, I love myself, too. And I know what is best for me right now.

Instead, I lie down on the couch and let the tears take over. Sobs wreck me as I cry over the man that I’ve wanted since I was seventeen.

I don’t know how long I lay here and let the tears fall, but eventually, the exhaustion of my emotions takes over, and I drift into sleep.

Chapter Thirty-One

Asher

“Getoverhere,”Masays the second Brielle and I walk through the door on Sunday.

She takes Brie from me and engulfs me in the biggest hug she’s ever given me. Her sniffling in my ear lets me know she’s crying.

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