Page 2 of Where We Fall

My head falls back in my chair. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions by two of the most important people in my life.

Grace is always trying to get me to settle down and start a family. Which I get, she's found someone and is happy, but it might not be in the cards for everybody.

On the other hand, my mother constantly reminds me that you can't trust anybody but yourself. Her words play in my head when I'm working my ass off to continue to rise up in my career.

My dad left us when I was five. He left for some twenty-something year old, deciding he no longer needed to take care of the first family he started.

"My mom has good intentions and has some valid points."

"But she was always miserable. That should have been a sign that you may not want to listen to everything she tells you. I love your mom, but I just don't want you to resent her later in life when you realize she led you down the wrong road because of her jaded view on love."

I feel a headache begin to form as I listen to her words, knowing she also has a point.

"I know. I'm gonna work on having a more balanced life. I promise," I tell her, half serious, half full of shit and just wanting to shut her up.

"I don't believe you."

"Let's talk about something else. I need to get back to work soon, and I want to focus on something happy. Like how Addy and Layla are doing. Does Layla like preschool?"

While Grace chats about the girls, I do my best to focus and listen even as my brain goes back to what she said earlier.

I never meant to get to this point in my life where I've never had a serious relationship. It just kind of…happened. I was so focused on my grades in college.

Sure, I went out with my friends. I even had a guy here and there spend a couple of nights in my sheets. Nothing about them lit me on fire, made me feel like I had to have them. They just died out on their own.

I look over at my framed college diploma hanging on the wall of my office, seeing my reflection through the glass. Hair up in a ponytail, not the sexy ponytails some women pull off, glasses, no makeup—nothing special.

I guess I've been able to blend into the scenery since I graduated. No one notices me.

That's because you dress so that nobodywillnotice you.

Ugh, I shouldn't care about this. It's like my mom said: if you dress like half the women today do, you're going to attract the wrong type of men. Men like my father.

But does that mean I should be dressing like a sixty-year-old? Baggy blouse, slacks that don't hug any part of my body, colorless face.

"She drew a picture of cookies with a glass of wine on the side." I hear as I bring myself back to the conversation.

"Wait…what? A glass of wine next to cookies?" I ask with a laugh.

"Oh my god, it's so damn humiliating. She told her teacher it's her mommy's favorite drink."

I fall forward laughing as I rest my hand on my desk.

"That is the funniest thing I've heard in a long freakin' time. I can't believe she said that. You can't get in like…trouble or anything with the school for that. Can you?"

"God, no. Her teacher gave me a look of understanding. It's still not my proudest moment as a mom."

"I think it's a moment of pure honesty. We need more of that today."

"Yeah, I don't know. My girls are too honest sometimes."

I smile as I think of what those girls have said over the years.

My computer screen goes dark, reminding me I have been away from my work for too long.

I sigh. "I wish I could keep talking, but I really should get back to work. Thanks for calling. I miss you."

"Miss you more. I'll talk to you soon."

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