Page 101 of Where We Fall

I click off the phone with her and pour myself another glass.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Lexi

AssoonasIclose the door to my apartment, I fall to the ground and cry.

Listening to him defend himself like that, all I wanted to do was tell him how proud I was. All the call did was break my heart. He was so distant, so cold.I hated it.

I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to hurt myself. I've never felt so damn lost and confused in my life.

If this is the right decision, why is it so painful?

I should feel relieved. I can just focus on getting ready to pack up and head home. Gabe even insisted on giving me a couple of months’ salary so I didn’t feel pressured to find work the second I got home.

Everything is set up and made easy for me, but the relief isn’t there. It’s pushed far down, overshadowed by the pain of losing the love of my life.

This afternoon, I scheduled the movers to pick my stuff up on Saturday. I really only have three more days here. Three days to pack up the life I started.

My phone beeps in my pocket. I pull it out to see who’s texting me.

Grace: I found a small two-bedroom home. You can rent it for a month, fully furnished. The couple will be in Europe for the month. The storage unit for all your stuff is already booked and ready.

She is a lifesaver. I don’t know what I would do without her. The ray of light in this whole mess is that I get to see her all the time again.

Me: I hate that you have to help so much…but thank you!! I’ll make it up to you. Free babysitting so you can have date nights.

Grace: I see my husband all the time. We can make him watch the kids so the two of us can go out!

I smile at my screen.

Me: I won’t say no to that :)

The only way I will get through this week is if I stay busy. If I keep my brain occupied, I might have a fighting shot at getting out of here with a piece of my heart still working. Because right now, the feelings swarming me, they could easily take me down like a tsunami.

I still have broken-down boxes in my closet from when I moved in. And possibly from copious amounts of online shopping.

I’m a sucker for ordering everything online, but that’s not something I need to acknowledge right now. At least it has provided me with the materials to make this move.

Over the next couple of hours, I throw myself into packing mode. Starting in the kitchen, I pack up all my utensils and dishes. I know I will sleep like hell tonight, so I push myself until I’m utterly exhausted. The entire kitchen is completely packed up, boxes labeled and taped up.

After a long, hot shower, all I can do is hope that it’s enough to allow me to get some rest tonight.

Yet, three hours later, I’m lying awake in my bed. As soon as I close my eyes, I picture him. I crave his arms, his touch, his voice in my ear whispering goodnight.

I didn’t know an ache for someone could be so fierce, so deep that you feel it down into your bones. My body physically aches from the pain of knowing I will never see him again.

My pillowcase is soaked with my tears. I pick it up and throw it across the room.

The sadness is turning to anger. This is how my mother became bitter. When life hands you one too many shitty cards, how can you not become bitter?

I grab the other pillow and lie my head down, but sleep still doesn’t come.

***

“Are you all packed up yet?” my friend Chloe asks as I walk around my room searching for the packing tape.

I sigh. “Mostly. Just down to odds and ends.”

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