Page 95 of Where We Fall

TwoWeeksLater

I walk into the office for the second time since I've been back.

Things were getting crazy, and system errors needed my attention.

I’m here, but my brain isn’t. It’s all I can do to focus enough to get the task at hand done.

My mom has been at the new nursing home for a couple of weeks now. Grace was a huge help. She would come to visit with me and keep me company. I was spending my nights at her house.

But I knew I needed to get back to my life, if only for a moment, to regroup and figure out what I would do.

It only took two days of being back to know I couldn’t stay here.

Grace has gone to see Mom for me, but that shouldn’t fall on her.

I hardly slept last night, thinking about how I would break the news to Marcus. Then it dawned on me—he will never break up with me or tell me he can’t do the long distance. His heart is too big.

He’s so focused on my emotional well-being. Every day, every night—he calls, texts, sends flowers or desserts to me.

I need to be the one to do it. I need to let him off the hook.

He’s young, gorgeous, funny, smart, generous, kind. He deserves a life where he can run his business and see his girlfriend regularly. And I know he wants to be a dad.

How could we make that happen when there is no future in sight with us in the same state?

It’s the last thing I want to do. I cried myself to sleep last night when I realized it was the best way to make sure I didn’t drag him down with me.

Now, I just have to get enough courage to tell him.

When my computer fires up, I find myself staring at it but not really seeing anything. It’s like I’m paralyzed.

I can’t believe I was so close to finding happiness, and it got ripped away from me again. Maybe I just need to accept that some people just don’t get their happily ever after.

My mom sure as hell didn’t. I should’ve listened to her.

A knock on my door pulls me from my thoughts.

“Hey, you,” Alexis appears at the door.

“Alexis, hi. What’re you doing at the office?” I ask, surprised to see her here.

“I was worried about you. I came with some pick-me-ups.” She walks into my office and places a coffee cup on my desk. “It’s October, pumpkin spice season has begun. I also brought a chocolate-chip pumpkin muffin.” She places a bag down with the muffin.

I look down at the coffee and bag, completely shocked.

My eyes suddenly start to water at the incredibly sweet gesture. I won’t just be losing the love of my life. I’ll be losing these friends that I’ve made.

“That’s so sweet of you. Thank you.”

I reach for the coffee first and take a sip. If there is anything in this world that could offer a temporary lift, it’s pumpkin spice anything.

“How are you holding up?” she asks as she takes a seat with her own coffee in hand.

“Terrible.”

She smiles. “I appreciate you being honest. I know it must be hard to be away from her. How is she doing?”

“I just talked to the nurse this morning. She has physical therapy at two today. We will see how it goes. She was willing to do about ten minutes of it yesterday before they said she was on the verge of getting angry. It’s a balance between pushing her and not triggering an episode.”

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