Page 113 of Where We Fall

"It’s not your fault, honey,” Alexis says, pulling me from my thoughts.

“What do you mean?”

She sighs. “Marcus. He loves Lexi. His leaving has nothing to do with you.”

I wish I agreed, but I can’t stop this nagging feeling that I’m responsible for all this. I’m the oldest sibling. I’m supposed to know what to do and how to keep the family together.

“If I wasn’t so hard on him or was willing to see past the role I thought I had to protect him.”

“Did you sometimes treat him like your baby brother and not your business partner? Yes. I’m not going to pretend with you. But it was all from a place of love. He knows that. But you can’t look at this as something you could have stopped. I’m a woman, trust me. He just wants to be with the womanheloves.”

"Maybe,” I sigh.

As soon as we get to my parents' house, Alexis finds Ma and Savannah in the kitchen. I go straight for the guys watching football, typical Sunday routine, but there’s one difference…Marcus isn’t here.

Suddenly, realizing he’ll rarely be at family dinners on Sundays hits me hard.

I back out of the room and find myself storming into the bathroom. Closing the door, I pace around in circles and try to catch my breath. Tears spring to my eyes.

I’ll never be able to make it through this dinner. I’m just imagining his empty chair at the dinner table. I know this may seem like an overreaction, and it probably shows the unhealthy relationship I've had with him since he was born. Marcus is not my child; he is my brother. I need to get that straight.

There’s a knock on the door. I open the door to see Luke standing there.

“Are you having a hard time with it, too?” he asks.

“I think it’s just, I don't know, I feel like we pushed him away,” I start as I continue to pace.

“He wasn’t wrong. We do treat him differently. Always have.”

“I know.” I hang my head in shame. “The reasons for it don’t even matter. There’s no excuse.”

“It’s crazy how you can grow up but still look at each other like you did when you were ten,” he says.

A sarcastic laugh falls from my mouth. “Yeah. I don’t know. Maybe he needed to spread his wings away from us. Maybe this is all how it’s supposed to happen. Maybe we held him back.”

“But he’s so good at what he does. I just wish he didn’t have to give that up.”

An idea pops into my head. “Maybe he doesn’t.”

Luke gives me a curious look. “What do you mean?”

I pat him on the shoulder. “Let’s talk more about it at dinner. I’ve learned my lesson about having big discussions without all members of the company present. Mia needs to be a part of it.”

We walk out of the bathroom and go sit down with Pa. No talking is needed while watching the game, giving me time to think about my idea.

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me sooner. It’s so obvious.

When Ma calls us in for dinner, I'm excited to share it with Mia and Luke.

I carry Joey over to the highchair and strap him in. He’s clapping his hands with excitement. At two, he already knows to be excited about Grandma’s cooking. Smart child I have here.

When I sit with Joey on my right and Alexis on my left, I notice Luke watching me closely.

He’s ready to hear what I have to say. I feel bad making him wait, but I’m trying to be more aware of how my actions make other siblings feel.

Luke and I are closest in age, so he’s always been the one I bounced my ideas off of first. It was never meant to isolate anybody.

“I guess we need to address the elephant in the room,” Ma says after everybody has plated their food. “I know tensions are high, and emotions are all over the place with Marcus gone. But I just wanted to say that you are all family. We love each of you and are proud. Marcus's decision was the right one. He loves Lexi, and we should all be happy for him that he found the woman he loves enough to make such a significant change.”

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