Page 141 of Knights Game

I knew it would hurt going back over my parents’ shit, but I did not think it would lead me to where I am right now, hurtling towards a mental fucking breakdown.

Another one.

“I’m sorry but no, I’m not just going towait.” I start to climb off the desk, but he tries to stop me, so I just spin around, knocking everything I hit with my legs onto the floor in the process. I storm into the hallway, walk to the hidden door on the side, yanking it open and pull out my jacket and trainers.

He follows me. “Where are you going, sunshine?”

“I don’t know.” I wrestle with my jacket as I try to get it on.

“You can’t leave.”

“Just watch me,” I say, anger coursing through my system. I wrestle with the arms of my coat. “Oh, fuck off.” I throw the coat on the floor and open the front door to his apartment.

“Layla.” Luca is next to me in a flash, shutting the door, holding it in place. “You can’t leave.”

“Your mother died in the same crash as my parents, Luca. Your uncle—how are you holding it together?” My voice quavers.

“I just have a better poker face.”

“Can we go for a drive or something? I just want to sit somewhere quiet. It’s too loud, there’s too many people. My brain-”

“Somewhere quiet?” he asks, and I nod. “Wait here.”

He returns a few minutes later with his keys. “Come on,” he says, holding his hand out to me.

As we step into the lift, he presses the button for the roof.

“Wait, I thought we were going for a drive?”

“We can’t leave the building. I need to put things in place, we aren’t safe just roaming the streets without security.”

“You need to plan a war?”

His jaw clenches, he doesn’t answer.

We’re quiet as we ascend one floor to the roof, the doors open straight out onto a roof garden.

“Wow.” I whisper as I take in the beautifully decorated terrace. Wood decking runs along most of it, the space split into zones, one corner with a large wooden awning, open to the elements, but wrapped in fairy lights that twinkle like the stars that are missing in the overcast night.

I follow the pathway towards the awning, Luca beside me, touching the large leaves of the plants that hug either side of the trail. I ground myself, feeling the moisture on the leaves, how the surface feels against the tips of my fingers, smooth and rubbery.Damp from either a light rain or someone having tended to the terrace.

“It’s beautiful,” I say. I stop in the awning and take in the fairy lights. “Is this a communal area?”

“Used to be, it’s mine now.”

Of course it is.

I smile and then sit down on the huge dome swing chair that hangs beneath the awning.

He sits next to me, lifting his arm and I snuggle into his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, smelling the amber, vanilla, and sandalwood smell that I love so much.

The chair rocks softly back and forth with the weight of our bodies.

I take a breath and try to process my thoughts.

I calm my heart.

I calm my head.

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