Page 85 of Falling for Grace

“Come on, let’s get you home.” I pull back.

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I’m such a fucking mess.” He nods and kisses me gently again and I want to say no, I want to push him back, but I allow it to happen.

CLICK.

You have got to be kidding me.

I pull back and look around, seeing the drunken skank from the bar holding her smartphone up to me and Ben. She giggles and runs away.

“What a mess!” I exclaim, holding my head in my hands.

“Do you want to talk?” Ben doesn’t comfort me this time around. He just stands by my side, his hands in his pockets, watching me.

“You don’t need me offloading on you, Ben.”

“Try me,” he says, knocking his shoulder against mine. “You never know, I could help.”

“I doubt you could help, but thanks for asking. For what it’s worth, I really am sorry. I didn’t think it would end like this.”

“Shit happens.”

I compose myself. He turns his attention to the freeway in the background and I do the same. Cars whoosh by, the occasional horn blaring. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You and Brandon—that’s not done, is it?”

“No,” I admit on a sigh.

“Then what are you doing here?” he asks. He isn’t angry, he isn’t trying to be a dick or mean anything by it, he’s merely asking a question.

“Sometimes these things are complicated. Brandon and I, it’s…fuck…I don’t think there’s even a word that exists to describe it.”

“Did you sleep with him at the funeral?”

“We aren’t together, Ben, I don’t have to answer that question.” Hello, walls, how I’ve missed you.

“I’m sorry, I’m probing. But I'm being selfish here, Grace. I like you, and I want to know if this is worth pursuing.” He looks at me, his dark eyes penetrating.

“I like you, Ben. Could I see myself with you? Yes, I could. But just not now.”

It’s his turn to sigh.

“I think maybe it’s time to face him. Face whatever is going on, whatever unresolved thing you have.”

“We have. I mean, I did, I faced it.” I shrug, looking at the grey concrete. “That number one secret? You were right. It’s left nothing but destruction behind. I was a coward for too long and now he’s suffering because of it.

“You’re suffering, too, though.” He places his hands on my shoulders and turns me so that we’re facing each other. “I could see it the day we met. I could see it in the way you brushed off questions. I could see it in the fact that you kept Theresa at a distance, her saying that you’re a mystery. I get it. It’s because you’re hiding something painful.”

I wince.

“I’m not asking you to tell me your secrets, Grace. Whatever happened, you're still carrying it around with you, and it weighs you down. You're letting it suffocate you. You’ll never be able to move on until you let it go.”

I can’t reply because my throat is thick with emotion.

“Can you control the way Brandon’s feeling? No. But can you help him?”

I nod. I can help him. I’m sure I can help him.

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