Page 75 of Falling for Grace

I say nothing.

“And then I think of our baby girl.” His voice cracks.

I immediately lean forward squeeze his hand.

“Like I said….conflicted.” He stares straight at me. “Grace, what happened?”

What happened? Two simple words. I feel like I’m back to square one and the sick part of me knows that I deserve everything I’m feeling.

I pull in a shaky breath and retract my hand. My palms are sweaty, my fingers trembling as I rake my hands over my face. I position myself on his bed, my back against his pillows, my legs pulled tightly up to my chest. It’s all for comfort and for defence. I can’t have him comforting me, I need to feel this pain.

“I found out I was pregnant the day after your birthday. You had gone already.” I take a breath and rest my head on my knees. “I can remember the feeling as if it was yesterday. Gut-wrenching fear. Danny found me.” I smile at the memory. “He found the test and tracked me down. He knew where I would be.”

He nods, his eyes shimmering.

“I was at our spot by the river. Danny and I, we hardly ever argued, but when we did, Jesus we went at each other. And I don’t think I have ever heard anyone fight in your corner as much as he did on that day.” This is the easy bit, I need to get through this bit.

“Hindsight really is a bitch, and I know now that my choices were wrong. All that hard work, all those hours you spent in front of casting directors and photographers. I saw how much it meant to you, hell Brandon, you’d left me behind, and you continued to leave me behind, I was terrified you’d do it again.” He flinches, trying to talk, but I shook my head and continue. “Danny was adamant that I should tell you, but I had already made my decision. I wasn’t going to keep the baby. I was alone and scared, and I couldn’t destroy your future or mine, and I was letting fear and pain of my past drive me.”

He clears his throat, his green eyes piercing into mine. He shifts his position on the bed slightly, his leg twitching.

“But you didn’t go through with it.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“What changed your mind?”

“You did.” I smile sadly. “It was maybe three weeks or so after I had found out. I had shut you out, but when you were over here for a press talk, you turned up on my doorstep. I pushed you away, of course I did. You popped over just before you were about to leave for the airport, and I remember it as if it was yesterday. You were standing in front of me, and you said, ‘You try to shut me out and I understand why you have to. But I’ve been thinking, and I remember the time I met you, Grace. The light that shines from you is like the sun breaking through the clouds after a storm. You are the storm and the light. Chaos and Calm. No matter what happens, Gracie Le Freebush, no matter what the future holds, we will never just be friends and I will always remember the girl from number eighteen.’ Then you kissed me. And for the record, I still hate your brother for giving me that Godforsaken nickname.”

“I think you should blameMiss Congenialityfor that one.” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“I couldn’t stay in the area. Danny, he would know that I never went through with it, and you know him, I would have given in and I would have told you.”

“But it wasn’t your choice, Grace,” he whispers.

“I shouldn’t have done it alone, I wish I hadn’t done it alone.”

“Where did you go?”

“Somewhere that you wouldn’t expect me to go.”

“America, to your aunt’s.”

I shake my head. “Nope. Too obvious. I ended up with my uncle in Norfolk. No one would have looked for me there.”

“Did Danny ever find you?”

I nod, and tears do escape this time because this is one of my biggest regrets. He waited, he didn’t come straight away, but I guess he got fed up with the bullshit and went on a hunting mission.

“He went to the States thinking that’s where I had gone, and my aunt ended up telling him where I was. He flew straight back and came to my uncle’s,” I say, swallowing down the lump that is threatening to take up permanent residence in my throat. “This isn’t going to be easy to hear.” I look at him and my lip wobbles slightly. It wasn’t just my betrayal.

“He didn’t know all this time? Please tell me that’s a sick joke.” He stands up suddenly, the movement causing me to jump back, but I can’t help the tears that fall.

“I’m sorry, I’m so, so, sorry.” Salty streams cascade down my face, and I immediately get off the bed to comfort him, approaching slowly. His back is to me, and his whole body moves as he heaves in breaths.

“FUCK!” he bellows, his fist flying out and slamming into the wall. The plasterboard cracks under the force of his fist. “He knew you were pregnant I know that. But all these fucking years, he knew you kept the baby?”

“He was there,” I mutter, and he whirls around.

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