Page 52 of Falling for Grace

My head is between my legs, my eyes tightly closed as I repeat the words: I’m safe. I’m okay.

“You know what. Fuck this.” I look up to see Brandon shoving past his father. “Don’t worry about running, Grace, let me save you the bother of running from your past again.”

“Ted?” Sue asks clearly confused, her attention moving between the three of us. Does Sue not know?

“Son, give Grace some space. There’s some things that you don’t understand,” Ted says. Brandon whips round. Holder to Holder.

“Then make me, make me understand. Why is Gracie reacting like that?” He points to me and I remain silent, breathing and repeating my words in my head.

I’m safe.

I’m okay.

“Why did she disappear out of his life? Why did Danny do what he did? And why does everyone seem to know what happened except me?” His voice breaks.

I hate myself. I hate myself for adding to the grief that he is feeling.

“I said I would.” My voice is small from my position at the end of the driveway. “I would tell you, and I will. But not until we have said goodbye to Danny.”

I reach down to the pavement and pick up the dishcloth and rewrap it around my hand. The hotel key card is in my back pocket, along with my phone. I don’t need my bag, it’s only got my wallet and other random crap that I don’t really need.

“I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

Chapter 20

I’ve felt sick pretty much ever since I received the call, since that moment my stomach has kept up its constant churning motion.

But today, today is the funeral, and I’m not sure whether I will be able to keep anything down.

How the hell am I going to get through this?

I hold onto the sink and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My grey eyes stare back, dark circles surrounding them. I have added extra concealer to try to hide the fact that I haven’t slept more than three hours a night since arriving back in England, but to no avail. My mobile rings in the bedroom, and I walk into the room I’ve been calling home for the last four days, trying to locate it.

Sprawled across the bed are the many outfits I’d brought with me for this very day. I look down at my chosen outfit and question whether it’s right. Would Danny have approved?

He’s dead, he won’t see it.

Danny is dead.

I keep saying it over and over again, but still, it doesn’t seem real. I pick up the phone, my hand shaking, and swipe the screen.

“Hello.”

“Grace!” Mums voice coats me in a calmness that only a mother can do and I find myself sagging onto the bed.

“I don’t know whether I can do this,” I say, my voice all but breaking at the admission.

“You can and you will do this, Grace. You would never forgive yourself if you didn’t.” Her firm voice filters over me and she is right. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come with you sweetheart. I spoke to Sue yesterday, she understands.”

“As do I Mum, please we had this conversation before we left. And if I’m honest I think I needed to do this alone, funny how a place of solace now haunts us both for different reasons.”

“Hmmm. I guess that’s the difference between us Grace. I’ve dealt with the past, but you haven’t. I know it’s a stupid question, but how are you holding up?”

“Not great. I have this niggling thing that maybe he’s right maybe I did somehow“

“Don’t you even think about finishing that sentence,” she says tersely. “Regardless of what happened to him, Danny understood why you moved away.” I let the reassuring words wash over me and push the clothes onto the floor.

“But maybe Brandon is right, maybe I could have helped him, been there for him somehow.”

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