Page 38 of Falling for Grace

I will never be able to put things right with Danny and my heart breaks all over again. And there’s that little niggle in me again, did I cause it? Was it my phone call that was the catalyst? The straw that broke the camels back. I don’t say that out loud, but the ball of dread in my tummy suggests that it could be a very real possibility.

I pick up a picture off the bed and look at his lovely smiling face.

Theresa encases me in her arms and I grab on. I hold onto my friend, who knows nothing about my past, but my past and present have finally collided and now I grip onto her as hard as I grip onto the photo of Danny, Brandon and me, knowing that I was too late.

Chapter 14

Igrew up with my mum telling me, “There are no such things as regrets, just life lessons.” But I’m reasonably sure this…this is my first regret. Well, if I’m completely honest, I think I’ve had two regrets. But this one…this one is extremely raw.

I sit at Houston’s George Bush Intercontinental Airport waiting to get through security. I texted Ben earlier and I’m hoping he will call before I go through. It’s a strange place to be in: finally deciding to try to “date” and then having my past crash down around me. I’ve always known I’d have to face Brandon and his family again, but I thought I’d be doing it standing next to Danny. This isn’t what I had planned.

Not in the slightest.

I look up at the screen. My flight doesn’t even have a gate yet, but I find myself checking regularly. I pick up my phone, scroll through the contacts and hit dial. It’s around 10 p.m. in Surrey. I hope I won't wake them.

“Hello.” His voice sounds so similar to Brandon’s, just older.

“Ted, it’s Gracie.” There is a pause, and I know the little cogs in his head are turning as he tries to place me. I smile to myself. “Le Free Bush,” I add.

“Gracie, my girl,” he thunders down the phone. “It’s so nice to hear from you. How are you?”

“How am I? How are you, Ted? I am so sorry, there is just… I don’t…” I trail off, emotion clogging my throat. I stop and take a deep breath.

“We’re hanging in there, Grace.” His voice sounds thick. “We’re organising things, and Sue has just about called everyone she needs to.”

“I’m coming,” I say suddenly. I want to get it out there quickly. “I’m at the airport now, I’ll be there around nine thirty tomorrow morning your time. I meant to call sooner—”

“That’s great news. Danny… he would want you here, and I know Sue… Sue will appreciate it. Text Sue your flight numbers. We’ll pick you up from the airport, okay?”

“No. No, Ted, you don’t need to do that. I’ve already bought train tickets, and I’m going to be jet lagged and grumpy. I’ll go to the hotel and head round to you in the afternoon.”

“It’s no trouble, girl, Sue will have my balls in her hand if I don’t do it.”

“Don’t tell her I’m coming, then. She will expect me, I know she will, but don’t tell her when my flight gets in. That way your balls will be saved.”

“That does sound sensible. I’ll make you some of my famous homemade chips, though.”

“I’d love that,” I say, my voice cracking again.

“Safe flight, Grace, and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nod. I can’t talk now, sadness has crept in as memories pop into my head—

sitting with Danny and Brandon eating homemade chips in their living room. I hang up, and even though I’m not getting a lift from Ted, I still text Sue my flight details. I look at my phone and see that I have a voicemail. I play it back.

Grace, it's Ben. I got your text but I guess I’ve already missed you. I just wanted to wish you a safe flight and tell you that I’m thinking about you. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Look, I know that you may need some time, so no pressure, but give me a call when you’re back, we can arrange that dinner. I need to wine and dine you after waking up in your bed and holding your hair back as you puked. I feel like we bonded on a deep level. Text me when you land.

I smile. I guess we did bond. I wipe away a rogue tear and save the message. My gate is finally up on the board, so I gather my things and take a slow meandering stroll through the terminal. I walk in and out of shops, buying sweets and crossword books to keep me entertained. I pick up a magazine and, lo and behold, there’s a small picture of Brandon on the front at a recent premiere. There really is no escaping him at the moment with the hype around his latest film,The Dark Alliance, and all the promotion that comes with it.

But seriously, give a girl a break.

I walk to the cashier and pay, showing my boarding card and slowly head towards the gate.

I hate flying. I hate the build-up at the airport, the hassle of getting there three hours early just to wait around. I used to love the airport, but the older I get the more a chore it’s become. I think this time round is that much harder because of what’s waiting on the other end.

I rub my chest at the thought.

I’ve done nothing but move since I found out about Danny yesterday, either packing or arranging flights, making arrangements at work to take last-minute compassionate leave. I have barely taken a breath and let it sink in. My emotions have been all over the place, flip-flopping from anger to sadness to denial in a constant pendulum swing. If I were to sit still for a moment, I would realise I’m not doing well, at all. I’m facing a lot of my fears right now.

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