Page 78 of Falling for Grace

I was a selfish, horrible person.

Brandon had left, my Mother was in America, and Danny was gone. It was time for me to close the chapter and head back to America. All I could do was hope that Sue was right, and hope that Brandon would reach out to me when he was ready.

PART 3

When all feels lost, and the path is dark, it is hope that lights our way.

Chapter 28

“You’re looking better.” Theresa studies me from her usual spot at the breakfast bar, eating her usual cereal. It’s strange how quickly things return to normal, routines fall back into place, although there are still moments when sadness overwhelms you.

But, the gaps between those moments are longer.

“I feel better,” I admit and smile, my first proper smile in weeks. It isn’t forced, it isn’t fake, it’s a smile, because the saying really is true.

Time heals.

I spent last night re-reading my old notes from Danny, including the letter he wrote to me. There are still a lot of unresolved things I need to work on, but for the first time since I got back to the States a little over three weeks ago I feel like moving forward.

I place some bread in the toaster and push it down, leaning against the counter. “So, I’m going to call Ben,” I announce. Theresa looks up, the spoon full of cereal frozen on its way to her mouth, which hangs open.

“What have you done with Grace?” she asks.

I shrug and walk to the fridge. “I’ve decided to try and move on.”

“Okay, seriously. What has brought this on? You’ve been out of it for weeks. I’ve barely been able to get you out the house. It took you four days to have a shower. Babe, I thought I was going to have to call in the CDC.”

I smile, but she’s right.

I have been out of it.

“I just decided enough was enough. I spent last night re-reading all my childhood notes, the letter he sent me. And I just decided that Danny was right—I need to move on. I just have to, I don’t know, live in the moment and shit.”

“What about Brandon?”

I pop the toast up and place it on the side, grabbing the butter out the fridge.

What about Brandon?

That is quite the question, and if I’m truly honest, I have no idea.

“I know we have unfinished business,” I say, shrugging. “There isn’t anything I can do, though. He needs time…to come to terms with what I told him. I can’t rush that.”

“But…” She trails off. I can tell she wants to say more, but she holds her tongue.

“Go on?”

She looks at me with her big brown eyes.

“I just think that maybe he needs you and his reaction was one of shock and hurt. He must still have questions. Maybe you shouldn’t write him off just yet. It’s not been that long, Grace.”

“I don’t doubt that his reaction was out of shock. I’ve tried to reach out to him, T. Repeatedly. He needs to come to me when he’s ready. He isn’t just grieving for his brother now. Knowing that I have added to the pain, to his pain, eats me up. But I can’t keep allowing those thoughts to control me. I can’t do it, T. I know that’s selfish of me.”

She holds her hand out over the counter and I grab it.

“I get it,” she says, squeezing my hand. “I mean, I don’t get it. Who could truly get what you’re feeling? But I think I understand. It must be like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders?”

I nod.

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