Page 105 of Falling for Grace

“You loved me,” I ask, not looking at him. He loved me and he didn’t tell me.

“And you loved me. We have caused each other so much pain, Grace.”

I don’t reply, I just drive the car, quietly concentrating on the road ahead. The trees meet in the middle, making it feel like we were driving through our very own natural tunnel with the sun fighting through the branches and casting eerie shadows.

So much love, laughter and life as well as the pain, hurt and tears we have caused each other over all the years of friendship and love. I can feel his eyes on me and I glance over at him.

His glasses are off.

“I can’t begin to say what I need to say to you,” he says, clearing his throat. “I love you so fucking much, Grace. Always have and always will.” I look at him and tears bite behind my eyes. He looks down at the phone again and is navigating to a song.

I think I know.

I think he’ll play it, but so much time has passed, so much has happened.

Incubus comes back on, and I want to pull over and cry.

He picks up my hand again and he sings along word for word to Incubus “I miss you.”

By the time Brandon Holder sings the last word “I miss you” alongside Brandon Boyd, tears stream down my face.

“I know, Gracie.” He squeezes my hand. “Please pull over.”

I indicate and pull off into a small offshoot of a lane that is a dead end. I turn off the ignition and turn in my seat and face him.

He’s him, he looks mentally exhausted like me, but it’s him. His green eyes are just the same. The sparkle is coming back, the sparkle that everyone loves. We don’t say anything, he just leans over the console and pulls me onto his lap and I go willingly. His hand is in the back of my hair pulling me into his neck and we both cry.

Chapter 39

“Iam so sorry, Grace.”

I’m in his arms, and it feels like I’m home. I’m crying all over him, and he’s smothering my face in kiss after kiss as he wipes away my tears and continues to apologise. Building me up, putting me together piece by piece.

“I should have told you, Brandon, I’m so sorry.” I hide my face behind my hands, desperate for a barrier between us, not wanting him to see the shame and tears. He pulls my hands away and his eyes meet mine.

“No, Grace.” He frowns. “You were scared.”

I clench my eyes shut and wince.

“Open them, Grace,” he demands, and I do. “You were young and pregnant and you did what you always did. You ran, and I get it. I understand. It hurts like hell, but fuck, Gracie. I understand. But me. I was fucking terrible.”

I shake my head furiously as he wipes tears away from my cheeks with his fingers.

“I know you’re blaming yourself for my actions, Grace. But that’s all on me. I’ll make it up to you, I’ll make it up to her.” His voice cracks, but he pushes through. “I’ll make people aware of your story, if you let me. I’ll do everything in my power to make people understand the risks, so other people don’t need to go through it.”

I nod and my heart feels sad that we have to use his status and platform to help raise the profile. It shouldn’t have to be like that. Not in this day and age.

“We have the highest rate of stillbirths and infant deaths in the modern world. Why, Brandon? It’s not fair, all those parents, all the people.”

“I know, Baby, it’s not fair.” He pulls me back to his chest and runs his hands lovingly over my back and through my hair. Bringing me comfort. Silence falls over the car, and I lay on his chest enjoying the feel of his hands and hearing his heart beat strongly beneath my ear.

“Do you think Danny is up there cheering?” I ask, pulling back, and he grins, wiping the last remaining tears, his thumbs tracking down my cheek, touching my lips.

“I feel like if he was going to come back and haunt us, it would be in this exact moment and he’d shout a load of abuse at us.”

We stare at each other, then both look round the car, our eyes searching the back seat and we laugh. It’s the best sound ever.

“Oh God, that feels good,” I admit, my eyes piercing into his and he’s grinning wildly at me. It’s the first time the sparkle has really returned in his eyes, and my heartbeat rate increases. Hope.

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