Page 73 of Waiting on You

I take a deep breath, confused because I know what I heard. “What do you mean, you didn’t mean it? Whywould you say something like that if you didn’t mean it?”

Nate tightens his hold around me, silently reminding me that he’s here.

“I didn’t know you were home,” Dad says. “I was mad at your mother. She had just told me she was stopping the treatments, and I was terrified I was going to lose her. So, I said things I didn’t mean in hopes that she would change her mind. Her biggest fear was leaving you, so I used it against her. I’m so sorry, Paige. You have to know that I didn’t mean it. I love you. You and your mother were my entire world. How could I not love and want you? You are the best parts of your mom and me.”

He sobs through the phone, and a lump of emotion fills my throat.

“But you said…”

Oh God. I got it all wrong.

“I apologized to your mom that night,” he says. “I told her I was sorry and that I didn’t mean it. She, of course, knew that I hadn’t. But I didn’t know…fuck, Paige. All these years, you thought I didn’t want you. It’s why you moved away and never came home, isn’t it? I should’ve known something was wrong. I should’ve forced you to talk to me. Debbie told me so many times to talk to you, to ask if I did something wrong, but I’ve never been the best at communicating. That’s no excuse though. I’m your father, and I should’ve pushed…”

“It takes two,” I tell him as tears drip down my cheeks. “I was hurt. And then you met Debbie andstarted this whole new life with her, and I didn’t understand why you wanted Kristin and Ashleigh and not me. I should’ve talked to you. I shouldn’t have let it go on this long.”

“I swear I have always wanted you,” Dad says. “When your mom first died, it was hard because you looked so much like her and had the same mannerisms, and I missed her like crazy. I knew you were upset with me for moving, but it felt like everywhere and everything was filled with your mom, and it was just so damn hard.”

I release a soft sob because I get it. As much as I love London, it’s not the same without her.

“I knew it was cowardly to move us away,” he continues, “and I knew you were upset. But I didn’t know what you had overheard. If I had, I would’ve done everything in my power to show you how much I love you. Damn it!” he barks. “Your mom left this world, thinking you would have me, and I failed you.”

“No, Dad,” I sob. “You didn’t fail me. I should’ve asked, but I was too scared of hearing you admit it. Which was stupid because I went years without seeing you. Years we can never get back. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Dad says. “I’m just glad that you finally told me. I miss you, honey. Please tell me I can see you. I want a relationship with you, one with more than monthly phone calls.”

“I want that too,” I tell him. “I want to see you and get to know Debbie and my sisters.”

“They’re going to be so excited, Paige. They ask about you all the time. I know you’re pregnant, so maybe we can come to you.”

“I would love that.”

“Good. Now, tell me everything. Tell me about your job and your life and how your pregnancy is going. I want to know everything you’ve left out all these years.”

For the next couple of hours, I tell my dad everything, starting with my time in college and ending with Nate. We laugh and cry, and it isn’t until my stomach starts to rumble in hunger that I tell him I’ll call him soon.

When I hang up, I go in search of Nate since he left earlier to give me some privacy. I find him sitting on the bed, back against the headboard, typing on his phone.

When he hears me come in, he sets his phone on the nightstand and gives me his full attention. Something he always does when he’s with me.

“That sounded like it went well,” he says as I pad over to him.

“It did. But it never should’ve happened. I should’ve spoken to him fifteen years ago, when I overheard him. All those years wasted because of my pride and fear.”

I climb into Nate’s lap, situating myself so my knees are on either side of him, my soft belly lightly bumping against his. He wraps his arms around my waist and looks into my eyes, and my heart squeezes in my chest.

“I made a huge mistake with my dad,” I tell him. “And I don’t want to make that mistake with you.”When he quirks a brow, I explain, “I don’t know what the future holds, and everything with us has happened out of order.”

I choke out a laugh, and he shrugs.

“But what I do know is that I fell for you in England, and I’ve only fallen harder since you found me. I was scared to let you in. First because I’ve been burned on more than one occasion when it comes to letting people in. And then because I felt guilty. I mean, why should you have to uproot your entire life because of me?”

“Because one of us has to,” he murmurs, palming my cheek. “And I’m okay with it being me. Your home, your life, and your job are not any less important than mine. I love you, and I want a life with you and our little guy.” He glides his hand down to my belly and presses his palm against it tenderly.

“I want that too,” I tell him, hating that I can’t tell him that I love him yet. I want to—I can feel it—but I’m still so scared. “I want to see where things go between us. We still have plenty of time before the baby comes, and I want to spend that time with you, getting to know you—and not just as the father of my baby, but as more than that. Is that okay?” I ask. “I know it’s not what?—”

“Stop,” Nate says softly, refusing to let me finish. “That’s more than okay. You need to take things slow, and I get it. I’ve been hurt too. But my wounds have since healed, and that’s partly because of you. But yours are newer, fresher, and it’s going to take time. And itjust so happens I have plenty of time.”

“Thank you,” I mutter, sighing in relief that he understands.

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