Page 37 of Promise Me Forever

Except as I’m concentrating on taking deep breaths, I’m forced to admit that my feelings for Amelia go beyond a stiff dick and dirty thoughts. Otherwise, I’d just take both of those things and let them out to play somewhere else. The reason I’m struggling with all this, the reason I’m so disturbed by what I feel for her, is that she’s different.

Unable to contain my churning emotions, I grab one of the colorful little espresso cups and hurl it at the metal filing cabinet, where it makes a satisfying cracking sound as it shatters. Much better. I straighten my tie, go back to my desk, and pick up the phone. “Miss Ryder, I’m ready for you.”

She walks into the room a few moments later and cautiously looks around. At the sight of the broken coffee cup, she raises an eyebrow.

“It slipped out of my hand,” I say. “Please, take a seat.”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times, and it’s clear she doesn’t believe me about the cup. Tough shit, that’s all she’s getting. Her fingers tremble slightly on her lap, and I curse myself for noticing and being bothered by it. I don’t know why she’s trembling—it could be because of this thing between us, or it could be because I started acting like a coldhearted asshole toward her as soon as things started to settle between us. It could even be, I realize, that she is once again sitting there with the thought that I’m going to fire her. I need to nip that one in the bud right away. She’s a human being, and I have no right to mess with her head like this.

“First of all, Miss Ryder, I want to say that I am totally satisfied with your work. You are completely competent in every way.”

“Uh… okay. Thank you?”

“That said, I think we need to address a few issues. We’ve both tried extremely hard to navigate the situation we found ourselves in through no fault of our own. There is no blame on either side, but I think it’s clear that it’s becoming increasingly difficult to tolerate.”

“Is it?” she says quietly, a shimmer of tears in her eyes. Fuck. Don’t look at her, Drake. Don’t see her cry. “It’s not that clear to me. I thought… well, I don’t suppose it matters what I thought, does it? You’re the boss, after all. Do you want me to leave today, or do I need to work a notice period?”

I glance away, giving her the time she needs to compose herself. When I look back, she’s clearly swiped at her eyes, leaving adorable little smudges of mascara beneath them.

“You won’t be leaving, Miss Ryder. I have no intention of terminating your employment, please don’t misinterpret me. You’re good at your job, and nothing else that’s happened should overshadow that. Your position at James and James is safe.”

She tries to hide it, but I see her body sag slightly with relief and feel like a bastard for not getting there sooner. I knew she’d be worried, and “your job is safe” should have been the first words out of my mouth. Instead, I had to be all lawyerly and shit and build my way up to it. Fuck’s sake, this is hard. Frankly, I’m not used to having to worry about anybody else’s feelings, and that’s always been exactly how I liked it. Which is good, because it turns out I’m pretty crap at it anyway.

“Oh. I see. So… What exactly are you saying, Mr. James?”

I run my hands through my hair, over my face, and down my beard. The full no-water wash for stressed-out dudes.

“Look, Amelia. Can I be honest with you?”

“I don’t know,” she replies, her lower lip trembling even as she tries to be stoic. “Can you?”

I blow out a breath and decide to plunge right in. “Neither of us asked for this, did we? We didn’t expect to ever see each other again, never mind end up working together. It’s… it’s complicated. In all kinds of ways. When I first found out, I spoke to Nathan about it, and we discussed how best to proceed. I won’t lie—letting you go was an option. But neither of us felt that was fair. I promised him that we could work it out and get through this without it blowing up in our faces. He was worried, obviously, about the HR implications… not to mention the public image disaster it could potentially be.”

Her eyes flash at me, and her hands ball up into fists. “And yeah, Amelia, before you go ballistic, I know. You’re a human being, not a walking complication. I know you never had any intention of going public or making an official complaint or making life difficult for anyone. I know that, okay?”

“Good.” She nods, her spine ramrod straight. “You saved me a speech.”

I have to smile at her attitude, the way she’s fighting so hard to keep herself together. I admire her as well as respect her, which only goes to show that I’m doing the right thing here. “This isn’t on you, Amelia, but I’m struggling with the whole situation. I find you… distracting.”

“Distracting?” she echoes, her head tilted to one side and her shiny ponytail draped on her shoulder.

“Yes, I tend to get distracted by women I find attractive.”

The blush that creeps over her cheekbones is so fucking cute. “You find me attractive?”

“Oh, come on. Of course I do. You already know that, surely?” Maybe she doesn’t. She genuinely doesn’t see herself as the knockout she is, which makes her even more adorable.

“Um, I suppose. But you have to understand… that night at the wedding? That was… well, that was the first time I ever had a one-night stand.”

“I know. I was surprised, but you did mention it.”

“Well, maybe what I didn’t mention is that it was the first time I slept with anybody other than my husband.”

I stare at her, taken aback at the fact that I’m only the second man she’s ever had sex with.

A rogue voice pipes up in my mind.I wish I was the first.And I damn well wish I could be the last.

Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me?

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